The Uncanny Valley

Elizabeth Bridges - Writer, Professor, Reviewer

Someday. Maybe. But not today. – The 100 – 3×07, “Thirteen”

I don’t care if I spoil it for you. It deserves to be spoiled: Lexa dies in Episode 7 of CW TV’s series The 100. I don’t care if I spoil this for you because I can no longer support this series, and I will no longer be writing these recaps. Here’s why.

I started watching The 100 in 2014 just after Season 1 went up on Netflix. A sucker for sci-fi survival scenarios, this show hit all the marks for me. Sure, the first season got off to a rocky start, but the core concepts were all there: a failing space station, uncaring powers-that-be, the fairytale setup of kids abandoned in the woods, the introduction of conflicting forces, and some pretty good characters that kept getting better. I liked the show enough to start watching week-to-week in Season 2 and was impressed with the way they kept expanding this world they had created, including even a fairly fascinating fictional language and a surprising amount of detail and backstory. Former foes have to come together to fight a common enemy, and the survival scenario continues. The burden of leadership falls squarely on Clarke, our main character, who develops an increasing rapport with Lexa, the commander of the Grounders.

For some reason, maybe due to the superb, sparkling acting of both Eliza Taylor and Alycia Debnam-Carey and their remarkable onscreen chemistry, I became captivated by their relationship. And then The 100 did something utterly unprecedented on a network TV series. They set up their female lead and her possible love interest as queer, and they did so cleverly and organically via a sly coming-out moment by Lexa, several subtext-heavy scenes between them, and, finally, an actual, mutual kiss. So here we have two young women, two born visionary leaders, with the weight of the world shoved onto their shoulders at a young age, both with a history of pain and loss. And they find each other in this chaotic world of conflicting political aims and try to negotiate those in the context of a budding romance. We got a classically heartbreaking “duty vs. love” betrayal at the end of Season 2, but we knew there would be more to come of this relationship because it was left so open-ended, and even the so-called betrayal scene spoke of the connection between them.

In the months to follow, I must have seen a tweet or two, maybe an article posted somewhere about fan response to the Clarke / Lexa pairing and the fact that this show represented what appeared to be a new era of queer representation on mainstream, non-cable network television, a new world in which mainstream audiences would cheer on a bisexual lead in a same-sex romantic relationship. At that point, I did what any fan (or scholar) does – found out everything I could about the series and its impact on the wider culture. I re-watched the second season, and the subtext and lead-up to the fateful kiss scene were undeniable. When the Supreme Court marriage decision came down in June, fans produced pride-themed art and gifs of Clarke and Lexa saying “love wins.” It was a heady couple of months.

In the fall, I was going through my tenure review at work, teaching a full load, and preparing for two conferences. My life had to revolve almost exclusively around my work. My personal life suffered, and I didn’t go out much because I just didn’t have the energy. When I got home at night, I wanted to be quiet and read. It was then that I remembered the phenomenon of fan fiction. I knew of it because I am a longtime Star Trek fan, and that was – as far as I know – the fandom that created contemporary fan fiction as we know it. I had read Constance Penley’s work on the topic in a Media Studies course in grad school as well, so I was familiar. I had even read some myself along the way, usually Buffy or Firefly or Star Wars themed.

So this past fall, I didn’t have much energy to read something challenging when I came home. I decided to see if there was any fan fiction of The 100. And there sure was, and a whole bunch of it was dedicated to exploring different facets of the Clarke / Lexa relationship. I should’ve known of course. I mean, there’s fan fiction of everything, right? And as in any other fandom I had seen, there are both very good and very bad writers out there, and yes some of it is smutty, but most of it is about characterization, about capturing essential qualities of beloved characters, and this was true of “Clexa” fan fiction as well. There are several longer works out there that are downright poetic and are every bit as creative as the show itself. I used this to tide me over until Season 3.

Meanwhile I joined a Facebook group or two and explored social media revolving around The 100 fandom and discovered a world of hilarious, creative people. Even though I studied Film and Media, I’m not going to lie and pretend this was “research,” although the phenomenon of fandom is one that has always fascinated me intellectually. I found a cast and crew that was exceptionally interactive with fans. They all kept dropping tantalizing hints about the Clexa relationship and how it would evolve, the fact that Alycia Debnam-Carey would return as Lexa, despite being cast on Fear the Walking Dead. The articles about the show’s progressive representation of LGBT people kept rolling in.

Now, if you are queer, and a fan of any mainstream media property, there are a few facts that practically run through your DNA: 1) You will almost never see yourself represented in your fandom, 2) If you do, it will be subtext only, and 3) On the off chance that a character is canonically gay, he or she will likely be a) evil, b) crazy, or c) killed off right after achieving happy coupledom. The latter seems to happen most often to queer female characters. So much so that it has a name “The Dead Lesbian Trope.” Essentially, the message is, gay sex is punishable by death, and queer couples can never be happy.

Sadly, all of us queer viewers are so happy to get any kind of representation, we will watch anything with queer (or even potentially queer) characters in it, even though we know we’re going to see ourselves brutally killed onscreen sooner or later, and odds of our character ever being happy are slim to none. But we watch anyway, hoping that this time it will be different. This has a name too: queerbaiting, aka luring a queer viewership to your show to make it seem progressive, and hinting at a pairing that either never happens, or one of the characters is killed.

However, The 100 was different. They had given us a queer lead character in Clarke Griffin and did not appear to shy away from the notoriety it got the show. Tiny snippets of footage from Season 3 appeared to confirm that because we saw Clarke in bed with someone female, though apparently not Lexa as far as we could tell. Jason Rothenberg, the show runner, told us to trust him. He knew about the Dead Lesbian Trope and would not screw us over this time. Everything we learned about Season 3 gave us hope. Excitement in the fandom grew to a fever pitch, the more scenes that were released.

And the first episode was no disappointment. Clarke had a brief tryst with Niylah while she was out wandering the woods trying to come to terms with what she had to do to defeat Mt. Weather at the end of Season 2. Contrary to what some folks first believed would be the reaction, we cheered her on even though it wasn’t Lexa. Here it was, our lead on a mainstream series, fully, 100% confirmed  to be decidedly, unquestionably queer. This is it, we thought. Our day has come. Our day has come when we get the lead relationship treatment reserved for a hetero pairing 99.99% of the time. This is when everything changes.

And indeed, nothing indicated otherwise in the following episodes. Clarke and Lexa have an explosive reunion, but we begin to see them work their way back towards each other, both personally and politically. And then came the Fealty Scene. Nothing had ever prepared us for the pure romance that was that scene. Indeed, I think I even joked on this blog that, “I have seen the entire L-Word series, and I have never seen anything that gay happen on television.” The writers GOT IT. There was something pure in that scene, something that spoke of a complete understanding of what it’s like to be in a female same-sex couple. I personally identified with the level of devotion acted so perfectly by ADC as Lexa.

We rested easy after that. But we really shouldn’t have.

The following episodes built up our trust in Clarke and Lexa as a solid pairing. We just knew they were going to kiss again, if not in Episode 6 then probably in Episode 7. I actually felt what it feels like to be normal, to see my love reflected on a screen, to be a true equal, at least on this one show, with this one pairing. And it felt euphoric. I think if you are not queer or any other minority, you cannot know what representation feels like. Because you are used to what it feels like so it feels like nothing to you. To us it is everything. The fandom was going wild with an explosion of creativity in the form of hilarious memes, inside jokes, and speculation about the wonderful future in store for Lexa and Clarke. And ourselves as equal participants in popular culture. For once. Finally.

Sure, we knew that ADC had her other series and was only available for a certain number of episodes this season. Sure we understood that Lexa’s job as Commander – especially this season – was dangerous. We knew she could possibly be killed, and we knew that ADC’s fate for any potential future seasons was questionable. But we also had constant reassurance from the writers and showrunner that we could trust them not to screw up these characters, that they were aware of the Trope and would avoid it even if ADC had to leave the show. Maybe she would go into exile. Maybe something else would separate them, but it was clear that they would be the main couple at least for this season.

How wrong we were to trust them. We were queerbaited in the most elaborate way imaginable. They made our pairing canon. They assured us not to worry, that they wouldn’t take it in that worn-out direction, that they were progressive and cool. Every tweet, every post, every utterance in every interview was a flatout lie or, at best, misdirection. The “leaked” sex scene snippet seemed to confirm our every hope, that these two would be a couple, at least for a while.

They hyped Episode 7 like none before, and we all sat in anticipation because through the sort of fandom investigating and theorizing that every good show generates, it was deduced that the sex scene would happen in this episode, and we were so excited.

And then the love scene happened. And it was as beautiful, as tender, as perfect as anything we could have dreamed. And it was tasteful too, not in any way exploitative of the fact that they are both women, a scene not crafted exclusively for the male gaze. Living rooms across the nation, and indeed the world – because this fandom has spread to every corner of the globe, including countries where it is literally illegal to be LGBT – were cheering. It had finally happened. A new era was here.

For approximately five minutes.

This is how I wish to remember them. Happy, together, and alive.

This is how I wish to remember them. Happy, together, and alive.

When we came back from commercial, we immediately saw Lexa get shot by a stray bullet fired by an untrained hand – by her father figure Titus, no less, who had meant to shoot Clarke because he disapproved of their relationship. Lexa took the stray bullet, had no agency in her death – she wasn’t even jumping in front of it for Clarke, which would’ve made it slightly better, though not much. But Clarke has medical training, right? She’ll save Lexa. Everything will be okay.

But it wasn’t. In the most heartbreaking scene I have ever witnessed in any media at any point in my life, Lexa died. Yes she died knowing Clarke loved her, but when Clarke recited the Traveler’s Blessing, I knew it was over. I don’t know what else happened in the episode, because all that rung in my ears was:

In peace may you leave this shore.

In love may you find the next.

Safe passage on your travels,

until our final journey to the ground.

May we meet again.

And I, along with our entire fandom, was tipped into desolation. This was not just a character dying. This was not just the end of a beautifully developed same-sex relationship unlike any other we had seen onscreen. It was the death of our hope. It was the death of our hope for ever feeling like we matter, like we are equal participants in this world. Despite whatever “progress” happens, people still hate us. Despite things like the marriage decision – which, frankly, will probably get reversed sometime – this was the assurance of what we have always suspected, always known in fact: We live in a culture that hates us and believes we deserve to die because of who we love. And make no mistake, Lexa was shot precisely because she loved Clarke, whatever context you might try to place around it.

And Lexa – the young Commander of the 12 Clans, an honorable warrior, smart, fearless, and so deeply, heartachingly human – was killed in the most meaningless, trite manner possible. A stray bullet, in an almost note-for-note rip-off of the heartbreaking death of Tara Maclay on Buffy in 2002, which also happened right after she and her girlfriend Willow reconciled and were shown in bed, in post-coital bliss, the only time this occurred between them in the series.

Say what you want about the shooting schedule, or contractual obligations, or “it’s just a case of sloppy writing,” or the fact that Lexa would eventually have to be written off the show regardless. Say what you want about her being “just a character.” Say what you want about it being “just a show.”

But if you say or think that, it’s because you’ve never walked a mile in my shoes.

You’ve never been bullied or called names like “dyke” or “lezzie.” You’ve never been stared at. You’ve never gone into a shop wondering if you’d be waited on when they see who you’re with. You’ve never walked down the street and wondered if it’s safe to hold your girlfriend’s hand. No parent has said you’ll never achieve anything in life because you’re gay. You’ve never had the love of your life dishonored by being referred to as a “roommate” or “very good friend.” You haven’t been cut off from most of your relatives because you’re considered a shame to the family. You’ve never wondered if you lost your job because you’re gay and not for the stated reasons. You’ve never had a parent angrily read Bible verses to you after you came out to them. You’ve never seen your own father condemn “those homosexuals” to hell from the pulpit. You’ve never had someone condescendingly say, “Oh, I didn’t know you were that way” when they find out. You’ve never had to question whether or not to mention your spouse in casual conversation. You’ve never worried that if your loved one got hurt in a car accident, the hospital might not let you in to see her.

I’d venture to guess you’ve never considered suicide because you live in a world that hates you, or you’ve never been barred from coming home to your family at Christmas. Your parents probably didn’t boycott your wedding. And I bet you don’t know what it’s like to be so afraid to be who you are that you spent every day of your adolescence feeling doomed to a life of utter loneliness and despair. As a kid I never pictured my dream wedding or a family. I imagined myself as a grownup living alone in a cabin in the woods.

Maybe you’ve never even given these things a second thought. But everything I mention here has happened to me, and more. And I’m lucky because I came out as an early 20something, already away from home and self-supporting. There are kids kicked out of their homes every day. There are kids sent to brutal, futile “conversion therapy” programs. There are kids who engage in self-harm just to feel in control of one thing in their lives. You’ve seen it on the news. Kids commit suicide due to bullying and rejection by their families and friends.

There are reports, some still in the process of being confirmed, of young people having been hospitalized, having engaged in self-harm, and there has been at least one reported suicide triggered by this episode of The 100. I’m an adult, and I have diagnosed depression, and I have an arsenal of tools to manage it, but this stab at the heart of our community, this blatant manipulation of us for TV ratings, and the depiction of our love – once again, for the thousandth time – portrayed as punishable by death? It triggered what I hope will turn out to be a relatively short relapse, the first one I’ve had in several years. Since Thursday’s episode I’ve been bombarded relentlessly by unbidden memories of every hurt that has ever stung me for being gay, every death or loss I’ve ever felt in my life. I have been plagued by feelings of hopelessness, and yes even suicidal thoughts. I know them for what they are and it’s unlikely I’d ever act on them of course, but imagine a young, depressed, rejected, hurt queer person witnessing this broadcast as part of a family that rejects them for who they are. How could they not feel hopeless about living in this world? What other response could you possibly expect?

When your actors and crew have to start tweeting links to suicide hotlines, YOU FUCKED UP.

Shame on Jason Rothenberg and everyone else who made the decisions that led to this story and this episode. Shame on all of them for willfully manipulating a vulnerable audience into believing this time it’s different. It’s not.

I can no longer support a show that treats me, my love, my life, and my community like cheap, unworthy bullet fodder. I won’t stand for it.

So no, it was not just a show. It represented far more than that. It represented a better world, a world where we are treated equally – not in a fictional future, but today. A world where we love who we love and don’t get condemned or punished for it. But that dream got snatched away from us. Again. And I don’t know if I’ll live to see that world.

Maybe. Someday.

But that day is not today.

May we meet again in better times.

Episode Index



  1. Thanks for this! I feel exactly the same. I have never been so affected by a fictional character before. I’m still stunned someone thought it was ok to kill Lexa the way they did just after the sex scene. All I can I see in her death is a reminder that LGBT folks get killed by the people they trust for loving the people they love. It’s a fucked up message to say the least. It makes me sick. I honestly want this show to crash and burn.

  2. This was so well written, thank you. You articulated the betrayal, the hurt so eloquently. I’m going to save this and send it to people who don’t understand or who mock my pain.

    • EB

      March 7, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      Thank you, Emily. It has taken me several days to formulate my thoughts. But I had a lot to say that I think hasn’t been part of the conversation yet.

  3. Thank you so much. You put into words exactly everything i’ve been feeling. I too will no longer support anything having to do with this show and any future projects by JR or any on the writers.
    Since the episode aired I’ve not only felt sad, cheated angry , but used. It was beyond sick how they used us for the ratings and hype. I hope so much hope that this time it would be different, clearly we were all wrong. It’s like you said, ‘maybe someday, but not today’ .

    • EB

      March 7, 2016 at 4:38 pm

      Everyone I’ve talked to feels this way. I’m still dealing with the emotional fallout, honestly. I’m doing a lot of the typical self-care stuff and will hopefully pull out in a few more days, but this was just beyond the pale. Really unprecedented and, honestly, regardless of what JRoth might say, hateful in the extreme.

  4. This is fucking beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. This has all hit us so hard and we deserved so much better.

    • EB

      March 7, 2016 at 5:01 pm

      Thanks for the kind words. I had to say this. Please share it far and wide as you’re able. We do deserve better.

  5. It gives me a sence of peace when i read things like this, that there are people thinking and feeling the same thing as i am.
    I just love you for this, you wrote this sadness within me out into perfect words.

    • EB

      March 7, 2016 at 10:06 pm

      That’s what I hoped when I wrote it. It’s the sense I got from all the people I know irl and online who were hurt by this. It was my way of starting to process it within myself, but I hoped it would help others as well. I’m glad it helped you.

  6. Thank you for this. After reading this post I feel less stupid for falling for the whole “it’s gonna be different this time”. but no, I wont blame myself. Thank you for helping me realize that and for taking the time to write this amazing text. I’m sure it wasn’t easy…

    • EB

      March 7, 2016 at 10:05 pm

      You should not feel stupid. We all fell for it. He was very convincing and extremely sly and calculated about the whole thing.

  7. Yes. Thank you for giving voice to what so many of us have been dancing around for days – that we’re still stuck in these same shoes, reliving all the trauma and betrayal that we’ve ever suffered as a result of being queer.

    We were taught NOT to be lured in by the creepy dude in the van. But he held out Lexa on a shiny silver platter and said, “Let’s go to a magical place where things are different, where you’re respected and treated as actual people. You can have this incredible, powerful, beautiful Heda if you just come come on in and take a ride to my post-apocalyptic gay utopia.” And damn if we didn’t hop right in!

    But the first words out of my mouth, at the moment she was shot were, “I fucking knew it.” The promise was bullshit, the illusion was shattered, and I was a fucking idiot for believing. They don’t see us differently. There’s no respect. No silver fucking platter. That amazing powerful Heda is just another dead lesbian.

    Our grief isn’t just about losing Lexa or a ‘ship or even representation. It’s about the real issue = if things aren’t different, then they’re the same. And the same is that pile of traumatic experiences that come along with being gay. Being treated as less than. Other. Isolated. Hopeless. The one thing I’ve caught myself saying out loud, when I’m worn out from crying, is “I’m just tired. So fucking tired. ” I want to be strong and supportive for all the queer young girls who are suffering, but how can I do that when I’ve been reduced to the same myself?

    • EB

      March 7, 2016 at 10:05 pm

      I wanted to reach out to young people by writing this, to let them know they’re not the only ones taking this so hard, and that they’re not alone. And yes, that “I’m just so fucking tired” is exactly what I feel about this situation. It just reminded me how far we still have to go.

    • “It’s about the real issue = if things aren’t different, then they’re the same. ”

      Yuuuup. If it’s not something other than a dead lesbian at the end of the episode/story, then it’s still a dead lesbian.

      And the hubris of the showrunner (and to a smaller degree, the writers) to think that their story chops were so amazing they could somehow mitigate that very simple equation is just stunningly obtuse.

      • EB

        March 8, 2016 at 11:16 pm

        If it walks like a trope and acts like a trope AND IS RECEIVED LIKE A TROPE… guess what? It’s a fucking trope.

  8. I honestly couldn’t have said it any better. Thank you so much, everything you stated was well put out.

  9. I don’t comment, but your combined eloquence and articulation demands a response. Bravo. Well said, I do agree with everything, except the comparison to The L Word. That show was a pioneer and continues to pave the way and for that alone, it will forever be in a class of its own.
    You are absolutely right, writers have exploited fans and completely shown no regard or respect toward lesbian story lines. The 100 hasn’t been my first show I dropped for this utter dismissal; I can think of one pretty lil show that still stings when I wander down nostalgia lane, nor do I believe sadly, that it will be my last. We’re not alone; I have to believe it will come and I truly look forward to seeing that, someday…

    • EB

      March 7, 2016 at 10:02 pm

      I totally agree that the L Word was groundbreaking, but it was on pay tv and could thus push the envelope, not a mainstream, non-cable, primetime network show, which are more strictly scrutinized by the FCC about what can and cannot be shown. My statement about the L-word was supposed to be a joke, incidentally. Or at least it was when I originally said it.

  10. Thank you for this article. I feel everything you feel. Lexa’s death hit me so hard. It was the worst thing a TV show ever did for the LGBT community.
    Yet they don’t get it. They do not undertand what this meant for us. Every single time. And saying that Lexa’s death was “neccessary to push the storyline further” is just a lie. And honestly if that is not a lie and Ja*** really believes that this was the only way, then I am sorry for his huge lack of creativity.
    It was not neccessary. The bullet did NOT hit Lexa by accident. It was written down in a script. It had a purpose. It was not an accident and unavoidable. Ja*** decided for this to happen.

    I will not continue to watch the show/this season. I can not stand what happened. I can not watch Clarke suffer over Lexa’s brutal death after they finally found solace in each other. And most of all I can not stand her getting over Lexa, because I know I never will. And honestly? If Ja*** does not fix this and bring Lexa/ADC back (alive of course not as a ghost or some other stupidity) I really wish this season was the last season. I do not wish him harm – jus drein NO jus daun – but I want justice. I want justice for him blindsiding, using and betraying us. We deserve justice. We deserve to be heard. We deserve to be presented happily.

    • EB

      March 7, 2016 at 10:01 pm

      Thanks for your response. I wanted to articulate some things that I felt were brewing amongst the fans and certainly in my own life.

      • And I thank you for it. Thanks for speaking up for all of us!

        • EB

          March 8, 2016 at 10:02 am

          I’d love it if someone besides us would actually listen.

          • Cishet white guy here who’s never even seen the show – or even a clip – and has zero attachment to any of the characters. This treatise made me cry. Trust me, there are SOME nonQUILTBAG+ who are listening. …just not people in a position to enact anything soon it seems.

            I am so, so sorry about all this.

            • EB

              May 8, 2016 at 9:45 pm

              Thanks for listening and taking the time to understand. This is the kind of thing that will hopefully at some point help us move past this. We need all the straight allies we can get. Take care, friend.

  11. Thank you for so perfectly articulating what I’ve been too angry/sad to properly convey to people who’ve been confused about why I’m so upset about this.

  12. My favorite article about 3×07 yet. Thank you for articulating the thoughts of every queer person in the fandom.

    • EB

      March 8, 2016 at 10:02 am

      That’s what I hoped I could do here. I’m not sure if it’s making it outside the queer fandom to the people who really *should* be reading it, but I wanted my people (ha “my people” lol) to know they’re not alone in their feelings.

      • I’m not part of the lgbt community, but I support it. And i’m still mad about Lexa’s death, not because she was a lesbian (i don’t care about her sexuality, nor does the world of the show), but i’m pissed they killed a powerful, badass character. And my favorite one.

        And the Clexa scenes were great. Except they killed me. Long live heda.

        • EB

          March 9, 2016 at 5:14 pm

          The thing about representation is that it matters she was a lesbian. If you have a plate overflowing with cookies (straight characters) versus another plate with one or two cookies on it (lgbt characters), a missing cookie on the full plate doesn’t make a huge difference. A missing cookie on the empty plate leaves nothing. We have nothing. JRoth took that away from us, and it matters deeply, in addition to the fact that she was an amazing, beloved character.

      • I am not gay and I cannot personally understand your life. However, I wanted to tell you your brilliantly written article broke my heart. As a mother of 3 young adults I can’t imagine how a parent could refuse their child their love. Your heartache made my heart ache. I truly wish for you and your community a better future. PS…. you can thank Mo Ryan for posting a link to your article. You do have support out there!!

        • EB

          March 16, 2016 at 11:00 am

          I do indeed. But a lot of young people don’t. Thanks for reading. I wish more people understood that this is not just about some character on some show. She represented a lot more than that for so many people, and not just LGBT folks, but our allies, and frankly the culture in general. More representation for picked-on groups means more acceptance, and ultimately a more compassionate world where maybe kids wouldn’t have to deal with what I did because it’s just not a big deal anymore. Media play a huge role in that for many people.

  13. Thank you for eloquently summing up what a giant mess this is and how it’s affecting the LGBT community. I also studied film and was always interested in fan culture and I’ve never seen anything like this. The fact that the creators of shows always want the audience to feel something, but don’t reflect on the impact these parasocial relationships have for specific audiences, shows the lack of sensitivity and understanding of the power of their own medium. Betraying the hope of all these LGBT teens is mind-boggling and infuriating. In 2016 the damaging trope of the dead lesbian is still going strong and one wonders what it takes to get all these entitled and privileged straight white writers to actually get it. To strip them of their straight white goggles. The backlash happening now is justified and crushing. The queerbaiting is what infuriates me the most and makes this entire mess unforgivable. The only way forward is by making our voices heard. So thank you for writing this! Lexa will never be forgotten. Unlike the writers, Leskru honors Lexa’s legacy with acts of humanity. Lexa deserved better. Clarke did. And most of all, we did!

    • EB

      March 8, 2016 at 10:01 am

      Sadly, the dead lesbian trope comes from old hollywood morality codes that required that if lesbian characters were shown, the were not allowed to be shown happy and should be punished. Like that was actually codified. The fact that this homophobia has now just been inherited unquestionably through osmosis is astounding to me.

      • ^^^^^THAT. Thank you for bringing up the morality codes and how they just sort of…stayed…even if the codes are technically long gone.

        • EB

          March 8, 2016 at 11:16 pm

          No prob. It’s insidious, isn’t it?

          • I know about the morality codes and as you said the fact that they are still having such an influence decades later is mind-boggling.

            • EB

              March 10, 2016 at 4:48 pm

              Where do you think our movie rating system came from?

              • You’re absolutely right. The rating system in the US differs a lot from ours in Germany for example. All in all, we have a long way ahead of us, but we’re in this together and the multitude of different creative voices in this fandom is inspiring. Thanks for being one of those eloquent voices!

      • I didn’t know that it was officially Hollywood policy. That’s new to me. Thank you.

        • EB

          March 11, 2016 at 9:22 am

          Yes, the morality codes were an actual thing. The rating system we have now evolved out of them. The codes as they were don’t exist anymore as written down rules, but they set up paramaters for stories that are still followed virtually blindly. I imagine most directors don’t even realize they’re doing it. That’s what tropes are. People engage in them subconsciously but it forms a pattern.

  14. Thank You for every single words you wrote

  15. Thank you for this! I couldn’t have said it better!

  16. I have to say, being in my mid 30’s in a stable relationship – I was and still am completely at a loss and in despair over this. I have never sought out fan response before so that I can essentially treat myself for depression. Thanks for the words that echoe mine. I also can’t watch anymore – at least I can’t for a long time.

    • EB

      March 8, 2016 at 10:06 am

      Yes I’ve run across a number of stable adults who were deeply affected by this fiasco. You’re definitely not alone. I’m honestly a very happy person ordinarily. I am actually super good at managing my depression, have a stable job, am in a great relationship, but this one really threw me for a loop. It’s astonishing.

    • Add me to the adults that got hit hard with this one. Not only on a personal level, but seeing all the young queer folks hurting so much has been super painful on top of all the other layers of sadness, trauma, and anger.

  17. Thank you so much. I’m more like a passer-by fan, but this really felt like a hit in the guts anyway. Most of all, I felt so stupid to be lured in again, and it made me so angry to think that people think of us as so stupid and that it’s okay to manipulate us into following the show because they know we jump at queer canon. It’s true, we are easily lured in, but you described so eloquently and truly why that is – there is just so little material to jump at.

    • EB

      March 8, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      I don’t feel stupid. They did an incredibly good job of luring in this case. But I’ll be waiting to jump on board shows from now on.

  18. Thank you so much for your review.. You hit the nail on the head with every point. You put the words in my mouth that I did not know how to.
    Thank you.

  19. Yes! More visibility for the community! We are DONE with this, it’s 2016 FFS!

  20. Thank you so much for writing this. The past few days have been awful. The way this show baited us only to turn around and make it crystal clear that we are in fact still very much expendable and our love is still nothing but a passing phase at best and a tragedy waiting to happen at worst has really gutted me more than I imagined it would. I don’t want to see nothing but darkness when I try to imagine my future. I don’t want to keep being scared. I don’t want to keep crying and desperately wishing I was different. I’m just so exhausted! The only thing that makes this a tiny bit easier is reading pieces like this one and knowing that there are other people out there who get it. As long as I can see those people, there is hope that someday I can surround myself only with people like that and life will get easier. So thank you for being out there, thank you for writing this, thank you for being visible. It really helped!

    • EB

      March 8, 2016 at 2:16 pm

      Not only do I get it, my dear, I have managed to carve out a happy life, these last few days notwithstanding. I purposely surround myself with people who get it and I found the love of my life. I don’t let fear rule me 99.5% of the time. Just this thing with Lexa and what it means to the community has really thrown me for a loop. I’ll keep taking good care of myself until I feel good again and can fully appreciate the good things I do have. That doesn’t change the wider reality, but I feel like living my life openly helps a tiny bit towards helping understand that we’re no different from them in terms of our emotions and wants and needs in life. It’s sad that we have to say “maybe someday” but that doesn’t mean everything is terrible in our own little worlds. We can be individually happy. They can’t take that from us.

  21. THIS. All of this. I work at a university and I had at least 2 Queer students stop by my office (They know we share a mutual love of The 100) and they were devastated. One was literally crying in my office. The worst part was her telling me “We NEVER seem to get the happy ending, do we?” And I couldn’t even refute it. I lived through Tara and Dana and Delphine and every other queer lady who has been killed to “further the story.”

    To me the worst part was any queer fan of The 100 who is on social media saw when Jason tweeted out to visit the set when they were in Vancouver- knowing FULL WELL these fans would take pictures of Alycia and Eliza filming together. It gave a sense of “Well, she must survive through the season because she’s in the finale!” and may people feel he knew FULL WELL how the fandom would react to her death. This seemed like a ploy to keep people watching. I think we all realize now that it’s just Lexa’s consciousness in the City of Light- and I am assuming they will either destroy it or Lexa will sacrifice herself for Clarke- either way essentially “killing” her off and traumatizing a group that already has been hurt enough.

    Thank you for writing this in an eloquent manner.

    • EB

      March 8, 2016 at 11:30 pm

      Bless your poor students. I’m sure I have some who felt the same. And yes, the Vancouver thing was purely a setup. It’s just going to be another sad goodbye. I can’t watch. I can’t go through it yet again. Thanks for reading and thanks for being the support of the kids on your campus.

      • The utter ARROGANCE of the show runners and writers is what gets me. They knew full well about the trope, but believed their writing was SO good and story telling was SO fantastic that we would overlook the fact that, once again, we had a dead Lesbian on the screen. Jason seems absolutely baffled that people aren’t talking about the “twist” of the commander hosting an AI and are only talking about Lexa’s death. That should tell you something about how much he understood his fandom.

  22. I’m currently at a cafe, trying to hold back tears, after reading your beautifully articulated response to the disingenuous loss of The Commander for our community, the injustice/exploitation committed by the network/showrunner/writers, and the past/present/future implications stemming from it all. My sincerest gratitude for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Hopefully, it will not only resonate and provide comfort for all of us who may relate, but also enlighten the ones who do not understand our anger, confusion, betrayal, disrespect, hopelessness, resignation, and/or utter devastation.

    The moment that Lexa was shot, I jolted and froze. I had expected her death (from overanalyzing the plot/signs too much, along with ADC’s commitments) and made my peace with it to an extent, but it was so jarring, especially after such a vulnerable, intimate moment the couple had just shared not even 5 minutes beforehand. I was at first confused as to why I was inexplicably wrecked to the point I was uncontrollably sobbing and bawling my eyes out. I then realized that it brought me back to the dark times of Tara’s death in 2002. Back then, I was in my mid-teens–a time of teenage angst and complicated identity formation–and I had clung to Tara & Willow, so it felt like a lost a best friend. It was a dark time that my consciousness had forgotten, until the gunshot we all felt last Thursday. Not even the eventual deaths of (other LGBTQ) characters in the years that followed had evoked such a visceral response from me. I had no one to turn to in my life back then, so as much as I am hurting for myself and for our community, I am glad that we can reach out to one another, even through just the internet.

    I’m a grown ass adult womyn with a thriving life, yet I continually find myself seeking solace from people like you who are contributing thoughtful, sympathetic, and intelligent responses–to people using their talents to create gorgeous/heart-wrenching/humorous/ridiculous fanfiction, fanart, memes, etc. I refuse to associate myself with the show at this point, but the fandom is one group of people I am grateful for. The aftermath that continues to unfold and the effects of it on our community (especially LGBTQ youth), only embolden my resolve to continue making a difference in the media that is consumed by our society. I may not work in the realm of tv series, but I vow to be accountable for what my tv program airs, and to promote truly progressive content.

    Thank you once again.

    • EB

      March 8, 2016 at 11:28 pm

      You are welcome and thanks for the kind and thoughtful words. I wish that the people who need to read this would read it. I’ve tried numerous avenues to get it under the right pair of eyes, but so far no luck. I truly believe that if anybody could experience what this is like for us for one minute, they would stop making the judgments they do. I mean both in relation to this show and our lives in general. Notice here in the comments someone tried to get me to go to church. This is the world we have to work with. It’s so frustrating sometimes. I just want to scream from a rooftop. But this is the best I can do. It is hard to remain kind. I understand why the kids are raging. They don’t know what else to do to get anyone to listen to them. It’s completely wrong, but I understand the impulse. We are outraged. This is it for me. I won’t let this go.

  23. I just cried reading this. You expressed in the best way how our community feels right now. I’m so proud of the fandom and of people like you because this is meaning something. We are screaming to the world that our “minority” had enough. Enough pain. Enough hate. Enough. I hope someday We’ll find equality in every aspect. Till’ that… May We meet again friend.

    • EB

      March 8, 2016 at 11:21 pm

      I wish that this instance would become the Stonewall of media representation. This is that big a watershed to me.

  24. You and your community are not less, you are not deserving of death, you are not deserving of being miserable. There is One who loves you more than any other person in this world. He came to save us all from our sins and give us eternal life. We are all deserving of death and separation from Him, but He took our place instead. He died so that we may live. His name is Jesus Christ and He loves you and wants you to know Him & accept Him as you Savior. Read the book of John and seek out a good Baptist church in your area.

    • EB

      March 8, 2016 at 11:18 pm

      Thanks for the backhanded “love.” I grew up baptist. They gave me nothing but hate and grief and taught me what hypocrisy means. I’m approving this comment because I want everyone to see how ridiculous it is. Are you trolling me right now? Do you just go around on the internet finding gay stuff so you can tell the people to go to church? Did you even read my post? I was bullied by kids at church. They’re the ones who called me lezzie and dyke before I even knew what the words meant. I had to ask someone. And then felt even stupider. I have read the bible more times than you have. I can guarantee it. I know it front to back. Please take your false religion elsewhere.

  25. Wonderful critique of a show that I, too, started watching on a whim with my 12 year old son. Very similar situation as yours, no idea if anyone else was noticing the amazing chemistry between Lexa and Clarke (Alycia/Eliza) when they shared screen time and how much they complimented each other as actors and as two incredibly strong women on a TV show. As a single lesbian mother of a young son – I am very careful about what I share with people I don’t know. Watching this with my son – who is fully aware of my sexuality and even coming from a mostly progressive and supportive family (I got my mom hooked on the show :/ ) provided a platform for he and I to discuss some of the many facets of bigotry that exist in the world that he will inherit. And as he comforted me when Lexa was shot (I can’t remember the last time I cried over the death a character on TV) he and I discussed the ‘undertone’ the mixed messages that are fed and ingested (like the chip) that cheapen what some people take for granted and lack empathy with regard to. What baffles me, bewilders me, and leaves me completely perplexed is that the same people who so willingly and unceremoniously destroyed this super badass strong compassionate fierce gentle intelligent kind warrior female character are also the ones that wrote her! I’ve written more than I intended to – once again great and insightful critique! Our someday will come – may we meet again.

    • EB

      March 8, 2016 at 11:15 pm

      Honestly, I think I may never get over this. It is staggering what a blow this is to us and our community. The lack of compassion just astonishes me. Bless your dear son.

  26. What an amazing article. I got upset reading this. I’m not part of the LGBT community… but I guess you’d call me an ally. Anyhow, boy did the showrunner/writers screw you over. They led people on in the worst way. The fact that some people don’t understand and say ‘it’s just a character’ do not understand. I’m straight and I have never invested myself so much in a fictional character in all the years of television. She was this amazing strong female character who had men at her command, she had this strength and this love of her people. I looked up to her . Add to the fact she’s this also this amazing lesbian character, which makes her even more amazing. Tell me another character like her on TV? Yep, you’re right there isn’t one! The LGBT community finally had (and is promised) this fantastic character and are told to trust in the show and that they’ll do you justice, ‘we’re progressive’ they said, ‘have faith in us’, ‘you really like her don’t you’, and one person even tweeted the 100writers ‘please don’t kill her off like all lesbians we are so used to :(‘ and they tweeted back, ‘Stay tuned’. Jason, the showrunner and other writers queerbaited the community in the worst way I have EVER seen – Jason being the absolute worse. That leaked love scene was actually a good thing because a lot of people knew it was coming that episode. Now imagine for those who didn’t, imagine those who had NO idea, and they saw that scene then BAM, she’s shot and dies – I can’t watch that scene honestly because it was traumatizing… it was brutal . I will give Alycia and Eliza credit here because they brought their ‘A’ game. I searched the ‘Clexa’ tag on tumblr and damn there was so much sadness it was truly heartbreaking to read. It was full of depressive posts and full of so much sadness. There were so many teens and young women who felt sucker-punched and shocked, some calling themselves idiots for trusting in a showrunner. I wanted to console them and tell them they weren’t, that they were lied to, given false hope and used in the worse way.

    I know Alycia adored this character, she said only a matter of weeks ago it’s her fave character she has ever played. I know she also had commitments to another show and I even read an interview that she gave to a Aussie magazine where she said: “Going back to The 100 is something I definitely wanted to do because the show is so great and I’m so grateful to be part of it. But I’ve started to realise that it is a big commitment and I think I may have underestimated that one really.” So yeah, it might have been too much for the poor girl to try and do two shows, but then then two writers periscoped (and later deleted it) and mentioned the fact she wanted to come back and didn’t want to die apparently. There were so many ways that storyline could have went with her NOT dying – and if she had to die come up with better writing than that and do not kill her moments after she consummates her love with Clarke, it wad so lazy and wrong. So she finally feels happy and she dies from a bullet, not meant for her but for her love by a man who didn’t approve of their relationship. What kind of f**kery? And then to have her flipped over and her body mutilated and cut open. Damn. It was horrific.

    Okay, let’s talk about the good… Clarke and Lexa. These two, damn these two. I have never loved a couple as much as these. The chemistry, the acting, it was superb – I remember the line in the show where Lexa said, ‘Clarke elevates herself’, and I tell you what these two elevated each other when it came to their acting. They brought out the talent in each other.

    So we know Lexa is physically dead and since I also don’t a crap about spoilers anymore – and everyone seems to know anyhow – we get her back in the City of Light. So without going into details on the spoilers I read we get to see them reunite, kiss, say the ‘L’ word only to be ripped apart again. No thanks. People do not need to see that. I’ve seen posts from LGBT youth saying, ‘as if I wasn’t traumatized enough, I have to see her ‘die’ all over again :(‘. How accurate these spoilers were I don’t know but when I read the final scene with Clarke… yeah, it was not great, let’s just say that.

    All I can hope for is that the LGBT community is finally give the representation they deserve. Don’t sit back and let this die down, ignore people who tell you ‘it’s just a character, get over it’, it’s not. People are still speaking, spread the word, let them know you want stand for shitty representation anymore because YOU matter, you truly do matter.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 10:50 am

      Thanks for your response. Indeed I was privy to all of these media developments as they happened. As I mention in my post I had indeed resigned myself to the fact that she would probably have to be written out of the show somehow, but I am the most smalltime fiction writer you can imagine with one paid credit to my name, and *I* could’ve come up with a better story with 5 minutes and a whiteboard. They could’ve literally done anything other than the Tara knock-off 14 years later. The depth of the pain on Tumblr is just the tip of the iceberg.

      Humans are story-making creatures. All our religions are based on stories. Narrative is in our DNA, wired into our brains. We need stories in order to survive, to be inspired, to find meaning. The LGBT community, and especially young queer women, found something they deeply needed in Lexa. I think JRoth really did not realize how good these actresses truly were. They breathed life into these characters and the relationship in a way that was impossible to look away from, and it was impossible not to love them. We’ve been done this way so many times, and it’s heartbreaking every time, but this was very different. I wish there was a way that this could become the real watershed moment in queer representation in media. But honestly, I have little hope of that.

      The writer of 3×07 is in charge of the possible Xena reboot that is happening. For those of us who came out in the late 90s/early 2000s, Xena is kind of sacred to us. Although the Xena/Gabrielle relationship was 99.99% subtext and the show was ridiculously campy, they were kind of a proto Lexa/Clarke at a time when open queer affection couldn’t or rather wouldn’t be shown on television. With Javi, the writer of this fiasco, in charge of a Xena reboot, I have little hope of that property being our Waterloo either. I do believe that, if played rightly (and the 100 had maximum potential to do this, g******it) mainstream / straight audiences could cheer on a queer protagonist who’s part of a same sex couple. The audience would’ve accepted Lexa and Clarke as a couple. They did not have to punish us again. There were 1000 ways they could’ve done otherwise. Their arrogance shows in every response to critics. This was not the trope because we knew about the trope but say this wasn’t it. As much as I love Joss Whedon, he did the same. If it looks and acts like the Dead Lesbian Trope, that’s because it is, however one might try to spin it.

      It would help a lot if our straight allies would also join the fight. There are more of you than of us. We could use your voices too.

      I am sad, and tired, and as enraged as I’ve ever been about anything. And I’m not an angry person. I’m ordinarily quite happy and perky, and dare I say, a ray of sunshine with just a little bit of an edge. But now I’m all jagged edge. I feel like I’ll never be okay again after this, like a veil has been lifted (like at the end of the Matrix when Neo sees the code). This is how culture works. They hate us no matter what we do or how many cute weddings and rainbows we show and how many pictures of bourgeois gay, suburban gay couples they show on the HRC website. We are other. We know that now. We will never have a place at the table. We’re not allowed to be happy, at least not onscreen. I’ve never felt this close to giving up. But I wont’ because I want young people to see someone who is happy and successful and queer as can be. But right now I just need to sleep. I’ve slept less than six hours over the last two nights. I’ve lost 3lbs since thursday. I need rest.

      • Javi has been the only person out of the whole crew, (not cast,) to response with integrity. He’s been letting people use his tumblr as a platform to voice their problems, and has only listened – never once defended. He mentioned Xena a couple of time, and that unfortunately the decisions of 3×07 weren’t his choices – he just wrote them. But I do think he’s truly learned something

        • EB

          March 9, 2016 at 5:17 pm

          I would like to believe this, but I find myself no longer able to trust those in charge of media properties. This was a betrayal of huge proportions.

          • I understand, after these recent developments with the show renewal, the hope that this may have impacted Javi for Xena is out the window again. All I can do to fight back my tears is chuckle wryly.

  27. They really could have come up with so many more options to write her out. I still think temporary would have been the best option, because she was such an amazing character. Why waste this amazing character when there’s a possibility she could come back? Silly silly choice.

    And I remember watching Buffy back in the day, I just turned 30 and I watched it but my Mum and I remember that scene and I cried when Tara died. It was awfully done. I honestly think you’re right and Jason didn’t realise just how good these two were. The last time I cried at a couple on TV was Buffy and Angel and I felt even more for these two. I used to be part of fandom’s when I was like 14 (back in the AOL chat days) etc. and I have never seen such a reaction to a fictional character’s death and one that is so passionate… and justified! People have really come together and I’m glad at least people are talking about representation and how things need to change. I used to love the recaps to the show and saw Jason linked to an article on his Twitter (I have unfollowed him like so many) and I was really disappointed and surprised that Afterellen wrote an article supporting him basically – and he linked to that part of the recap too. I don’t get it? Okay, so their thoughts are: ‘Afterellen think we did good so what are you all complaining about?’ He clearly didn’t read the comment section though because out of the 1,000 + comments there not ONE is positive. Some even calling Afterellen irresponsible for saying this isn’t ‘a lesbian trope’ and so much to retract this article as you are doing the community an injustice. Someone saying the site needs to change their tag line from: ‘The pop culture site that plays for your team’ to, ‘Afterellen the pop culture site who helps a gaybaiting, lying show runner play a whole bunch of trusting queer woman’, and that they are not going to change anything as long as they keep writing paragraphs after paragraphs to justify tropes. I mean okay, I can’t speak for the community but this seems spot on and the overall feeling. I hope the website does an article on the backlash and upset. Damn, just acknowledge it, because Jason sure isn’t going to. Only thing I’ve heard him say was something like he was upset people were upset, but won’t say why or take blame for leading a community on, and he also said something re he was surprised and upset people were so angered and shocked by Lexa’s death that they weren’t all excited and happy over the AI coming from Lexa. Urgh! He just doesn’t get it.

    I’m sorry you have so little hope, I know I can turn over my channel and see straight leads, straight couples on every channel, but you can’t. It’s not right and it’s not fair. And hey, even when you do, there’s the constant fear, ‘okay she’s either going to die a horrible death, go psycho or end up with a dude anyway’.

    I used to watch Xena and Hercules back in the day but honestly didn’t really watch it towards – but I know how it ended. I have read about the reboot and how Javi is a huge part of that reboot and I know he wrote this episode of ‘The 100’. My only hope for you is that he is basically acknowledging they screwed up and led you on and when someone asked re the Xena reboot and the fact he is associated with it gives them hope at all. He replied saying something like, ‘no, not the same at all. Different showrunner, different rules.’ And Kim Shum one of the writers posted an interesting response to an ‘Ask’ on her tumblr. It’s a bit long so see here: – So it makes me think the writers didn’t want this either, which really does make e think it really was all Jason.

    And you have so many straight allies. Even people who weren’t fans of Lexa and Clarke together (yes, I don’t get it either) where supporting everyone saying how terrible the community has been treated.

    I can’t imagine how you feel. I was upset for days after this death – and I’m still not over it and can’t bring myself to watch that scene. I’ve always been a chirpy, happy bubbly person but the last 3 months things have happened in my life and this show was an escape, this character drew me in and she’s not there anymore. She’s gone. But how I feel is in no way the same, mine isn’t about representation and hope. I read about you being bullied and called names and not accepted. You speaking about your family and acceptance was hard to read. I don’t understand it, it probably helps my family really are so laid back and so excepting of everyone and anyone’s sexuality and basically couldn’t give a crap – in the best way. I don’t associate with anyone with views that are in anyway homophobic, nope… don’t need your negativity in my life thanks.

    But yes I’m not naive and I know there is homophobia still out there, and although it’s changing it’s not changing quick enough.

    To the important point… don’t you dare give up. Keep posting articles, keep doing what you’re doing, you’re doing great work. Keep being part of the change. Get some rest, keep active, get outside and maybe take a break from social media and all things ‘The 100’ related for a while. I read your bio and you live in Memphis, Tennessee. I loved Tennessee – but didn’t quite make it to Memphis. I have been to like 24 States and I love each State is like a different country. Get some rest and surround yourself by positive people in your life. :o)

    • EB

      March 10, 2016 at 12:04 pm

      Hi again, Hannah, Thanks again for the encouragement. It’s Thursday, and I was starting to feel better, but all the positive buzz for this stupid show on Twitter is incredibly disheartening. I feel like a lot of Entertainment People (e.g. Jo Garfein, After Ellen, etc.) are kissing the show’s ass because they don’t want to alienate their journalistic connections? I’m guessing that’s the reason. I otherwise have no good explanation. There’s just no way around the fact that this was the Trope. Pure and simple. I had literally never felt compelled by a TV couple other than W/T and X/G but them not nearly to this degree. I gravitated towards SF as a kid precisely because it didn’t have the romance element that felt entirely irrelevant and unrelatable to me. I’m sure I’ll write more, but what I’m doing here is a drop in the bucket. I think like 8000 people have read this post or at least clicked on it, but in the end it feels like the world is moving on and doesn’t care again. I slept like 6 hours last night. I have a work-related piece of writing staring me in the face, but I really just want to crawl into a hole and come out of it again when the world has evolved. People who live on the coasts here in the US live in a bubble of acceptance. They think this stuff doesn’t matter. But for the 90% of us who live in the flyover states, it’s still practically the Reagan era. I have friends who aren’t like that. I have good people in my life, but this instance has really jolted me out of the idea that our work is over. It will never be over. Oso gonplei nou ste odon.

      • I am pretty up-to-date on all what’s on and I’m glad this article is getting so much attention – I have seen it linked to around the net and have shared it myself. And you are right, and I do believe they are kissing the show’s arse – got to keep them exclusive show ties right? It’s so wrong. Jo Garfein, I don’t understand at all. I mean everyone is enetitled to their opinion but where has she been through the whole thing? How can she not see? Let’s pretend she is in denial ey? One good thing the Afterellen reviewer actually acknowledged the comments on her last review disagreeing with her and spoke about them and changed her stance on certain things – I mean there was over 1,800 comments. I am still so angry and pissed (can I say that?) over the showrunner’s lack of empathy and acknowledgement of a community he interacted with so much on twitter and still now just complete internet SILENCE. People are rightfully getting angry. Anyone defending him can’t even use the excuse, ‘Hey he apologized for his handling of it, get over it now and drop it’ because he isn’t apologising for anything. part of me think he actually just doesn’t care – especially now he has a Season 4. I am happy for the rest of the cast and crew – I really won’t be watching myself sadly. There is even this part of me is that did he knowingly drum up all this Clexa promo knowing the network where looking at the first 6 episodes re their decision and then got the numbers he wanted and used the character how he could – yep, I’m a lil’ bitter.

        I have never got this invested in something over the net. I have seen LGBT characters die on screen ( let’s be honest far too often) but the fallout from this still going and being reported on – the BBC news blog posted about the trending on twitter last night and the money raised for The Trevor Project, which so many people donated too – myself included. So maybe this one time the furore will keep on going, I can’t see it dying down so soon as people thing. I honestly think JRat (okay Jason) will stay quiet hoping it will all blow over and will never address it, even if he does, too little too late in my book now. My guess on S4 is a slow build up to Clarke and Bellamy which I don’t want to see at all, I love these characters, but not together, especially after all this. Seen this ending too many times. Just wish this show had a new showrunner.

        • EB

          March 12, 2016 at 11:08 am

          Yes, I’ve been keeping up as well. I’ve been surprised where all my little blog seems to be popping up. It is clear that we were used as a community to help get the show renewed, and then we were “floated” as soon as he (thought he) didn’t need our fandom anymore. I foresee this blowing up in his face. We’re not letting it slide this time. While I don’t agree with Jo, she and I have communicated a bit over the last couple of days, and I do like her personally. We’ve very politely agreed to disagree, and if we ever did cross paths in real life, I think we’d have some great conversation over lunch. But the “big” ones like After Ellen and Autostraddle and others like that being completely complicit? I really don’t get it.

          • I really hope it does blow up in has face. There’s even trends happening now to replace him. Yikes! I actually came here back here because Mo Ryan (a TV critic at Variety) mentioned your article on the podcast here: Your words are making an impact and I don’t see this dying down anytime soon. Jo seems like a lovely woman and I’m certainly not going to tell someone in the LGBT community how they should personally feel about something (it’s not my place) but for whatever reason she feels the way she feels. *shrugs*

            At least the discussion is ongoing and I can’t see the momento dying down anytime soon. I’m glad your article is getting recognition and touching a lot of people. As for Afterellen etc. just skip the article and pretend the comments are the main part. They say it all. 🙂

            • EB

              March 12, 2016 at 7:06 pm

              Yes I don’t think there were any comments that agreed with the AE article. And yes a fb friend alerted me of Mo’s shoutout on the podcast. How awesome is that? I thanked her on the Twerters. Apparently “CW stop Jason Rothenberg” trended for a few hours this afternoon. It went as high as #10. People are mad. It’s incredible to see. I think back to the 90s feminism when I came of age, and I imagine this is just the sort of thing we’d have done if we had Twitter. Social media has given the industry the ability to interact with fans, but we can also interact with them. It’s a double-edged sword.

              • The reason why AE defended Jason’s queerbaiting and lying ways is because AE’s parent company lists TheCW as one of its clients. AE is nothing but a mouthpiece for The CW. Autostraddle is far more independent I believe.

                • EB

                  March 8, 2017 at 3:12 pm

                  Yes, I’ve since learned a little more about these publications. And things at AE have also changed even more since then. It’s a shell game of corporate nonsense over there. I trust Autostraddle. AE not at all.

  28. Very well written, I wish people responsible for this mess would read it and perhaps finally start to understand what they have done. Thank you and ste yuj!

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      I hope the same. I’ve done my best to see if I can’t get some people connected to the show to read it. Mochof, ai lukot.

  29. This article is everything. The ultimate betrayal – that’s what I will remember about the showrunner Jason Rothenberg. The thought about how badly we were all used, in order for him to promote his show is depressing. After reading recent comments from one of the writters about “Clarke being Lexa’s soulmate, but Lexa not being Clarkes” I realized they were playing us from the start. It’s clear now that they are going to bring ADC back for the finale only to let Clarke “move on”. Because that’s what Lexa will be – another dead love interest on the long way to the Bellarke relationship. Shame.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 2:11 pm

      Yes. The old stepping stone / phase trope. That is yet another one that pops up a lot, particularly with bi women characters. I’m quite sure that’s what they’re planning, and I just can’t watch. I can’t believe how arrogant they were to think that we would see this as anything other than an advanced case of queerbaiting.

  30. Hi! Thank you for writing this. I totally agree. And I am a little consoled by the fact that I am not the only one reacting to the death of a fictional character with total heartbreak even though I am a damn grown-up.
    You might want to send the link to your article to Javier Grillo-Marxuach. He wrote the episode in question (which the last scene aside in my opinion was the best of the season) and he is going to be the showrunner for the Xena reboot. I talked to him on tumbler a few hours ago and he is genuinly trying to understand and do better. I believe him. I have a few producer credits myself an I know that it’s not the writer who is responsible for the story arch of the season, but the showrunner (who is uncharacteristically quiet since last week which I think is telling and a little funny). Also Javier is not so subtly saying that if it had been up to him the episode might have ended differently.
    I sent an email to the editor-in-chief of today, because I am wondering why there is no coverage on this. I agree that a lot of the outcry right now is pretty heated, but all this trending on twitter and writers talking to fans could be the example for other showrunners that we are simply not going to take this any longer, could it not?

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 2:30 pm

      Thanks for sending it to after ellen. I didn’t even think about that option. I have tweeted / tumblr-ed the link to Javi, and I think a few others have too. Not sure if he’s seen it or will see it but it’s been sent. I know someone who knows him, as it turns out. But I am surprised the lesbian / lgbt media hasn’t jumped on this more quickly. This seems like something even the advocate would want to cover. It’s a big deal. Thanks for your kind words. We have to make ourselves heard. We can’t let it slide this time. I’ve been keeping up with what Javi has said, but honestly, I can no longer trust anything any writer or show runner connected to this property has said or will say. We’ve been lied to so much already.

      • I hear you, but I really think he is trying. I watched the episode again on Sunday with one of my best friends who happens to be a while straight male filmaker and even though we have often discussed the topic of representation (in fact he shot a film about a lesbian couple that hopefully will come out some time this year – no one dies, but it is in German) and he is a very sensitive guy his reaction was different than I expected. We both agreed that the episode uo until the ending was very good, he got teary-eyed when Lexa died and he thought that putting the death right after the love seen was definitely tasteless, but he thought that killing Lexa was an okay thing for the story. Until I reminded him of a few things about LGBT representation that is. Half an hour later he looked at me like I had slapped him, because the whole picture of what a character, no that character (which was one of the if not the best lesbian character(s) on TV) meant to so many people. I really believe they don’t get it so I won’t stop educating people. Except for Rothenberg. I am so done with him. 😉

        • I am sorry, I got carried away and didn’t finish my sentence. What I wanted to say is that my friend saw it from a filmmaker’s perspective and didn’t realize the implications of Lexa’s death. In the end we both agreed that one of the other most likely 1000 possibilities to explain her absence would have probably been a better choice.
          By the way: Maybe you should write to afterellen too. I don’t know if they do something because of one email.

          • I am folliwng the comments here, because it is so interesting to read what everybody has to share.
            1. Would you mind giving a link to your filmaker friend? I am really interested in following his work; he seems to be doing better than most of them.
            2. Can you give me the adress to the ellen-person? If one E-Mail won’t help, I am happy to write one, too!

            Thank you!

            • Now there is a reply button … strange.
              Anyway, here it is again:
              This is the link to my friend’s film:

              The editor-in-chief of afterellen is Trish Bendix:

              Let’s start the riot. 😉

              • Thanks for this! I just wrote an email. I’ll be writing to other media outlets too.

                I also have linked this article to a few people and in other reviews. It’s the least I can do. Any other ideas?

                • EB

                  March 9, 2016 at 8:19 pm

                  Wow. Thank you. That’s really kind. Indeed the traffic has really picked up. I had to install a new quick-cache program to keep the site from slowing 🙂 Thanks! That’s very sweet of you. I can’t honestly think of any others off the top of my head.

  31. Thank You for this words. Your article reflects my pain.

    because this fandom has spread to every corner of the globe, including countries where it is literally illegal to be LGBT – were cheering. (c)

    Russian fandom are shocked. This was unrighteous.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 2:41 pm

      I know. They need to think not only of fans in North America and western Europe but everywhere else too. It’s a big world, and they couldn’t even think past the writers’ room. Thanks for reading.

  32. Wow…your critique on this was mind blowing. I am a staggering 26 year old woman who is still in doubts with my sexuality due to the heavy considerations of family, religion, etc. I know that I am bisexual but I have never really ‘came’ out to my parents. I’m sure they know though. But the reason I stated this was because when I became emotionally invested with Lexa and Clarke’s relationship and shared this series with my father, I was hoping that he would finally understand that people should love people for who they are and not what they are. And then the moment I saw Titus shoot that last bullet, intending for Clarke, but instead hitting the abdomen of Lexa, my world just crumbled. I belted out a sobbing “NOOOOOO” and started hitting my pillow against the sofa next to me which in turn, prompted my dad (who was not caught up to 3rd season yet) to burst out of his room, trying to wonder what had just happened. I couldn’t even answer him because I knew that any words that would come out would have been nothing but heavily racked sobs and unformulated words. I have lost people in my life and depending how close those people were, I have felt for each an every one of them, the most was when I lost my grandmother and my best friend. The heartbreak I received from losing those two have left an impressive wound in my heart that I still have to this day, only not as gaping as it used to be. The heartbreak that I received from Lexa’s death was up to par with those two losses. Many people have asked me, “Why are you so upset about a fictional character dying? It’s just a show.” and I can’t even look them in the eye because I knew that they would never understand the ‘why’. I felt as if my dreams just collided with an invisible wall with no where else to turn except to spiral downwards. Will we ever be accepted in society? Thank you for all of your words. I have been through some of those experiences, albeit not most but some. I now have so much fear in telling my parents about my sexuality because I am never sure if they will accept it. My mother was raised in a Catholic school and my father is purely traditional. Yes, some of my cousins are gay but regardless of that fact, my parents will still think that that’s not their children. My parents will think ‘what did I do wrong as a parent to have a queer child?’ and that’s what stops me the most because my parents deserve the world for being great at their jobs and parenting. This show was helping me come into terms with going to tell them but now, I feel as though happy endings are just not for us. But I will strive to be better and gather courage to be braver and be stronger so that I can finally face them and tell them that I am a proud bisexual female who just so happens to be their daughter and that their teachings will have taught me nothing less than what it was meant to teach me. Thank you again! Your words inspired me. I hope the creators of these shows will see your words and take heed and actually do something about it and not just stick to the usual ‘tropes’.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 2:57 pm

      Dear friend, Thanks for sharing all this. I have felt many of the same things you describe. It took about six months after I accepted myself to go ahead and tell my parents. They did not take it well. But I came to realize that I shouldn’t have to be someone else to make them more comfortable. I have to live in my own skin. They have to live in theirs, and either they come around, or they don’t. Our relationship is not perfect now, but whose is? I would rather have a less-than-perfect relationship with them than attempt to be someone I’m not and spend my life unhappy. Their emotions belong to them.

      You’re not responsible for your parents’ feelings. I generally say it’s worth the risk to come out to family. Only you can decide that for yourself. But I can say that I do not regret anytime I’ve ever come out to anyone. I live my life completely openly, and I have chosen to surround myself with people who support me. The fact that the wider culture hasn’t caught up yet is very sad, and it makes it hard for a lot of people. But we can choose to be happy in our own little worlds, and every person who comes out gives someone else the courage to do it too. That’s ultimately the only way the world will change. Thanks for your kind words and be well.

  33. This conveyed everything I’ve been feeling for the last week since the episode aired better than I could have articulated. As others have said, many of us always knew Lexa would die. We started preparing ourselves knowing ADC was committed to another show. I accepted this possibility but maintained a guarded hope that it wouldnt happen, that this show would continue to be different. This was amplified by all of the messages and posts and videos being released by Jason and others. But at the end of the day, I always kept the acceptance in the back of my mind that Lexa would die.

    What I didn’t and won’t accept is the way in which that death was executed. The timing was atrocious, the way it happened was lazy and failed to do an incredible character justice. The way they had been progressing that relationship since the start of season 3 would have easily allowed the love scene to happen organically in episode 6. Clarke had gotten comfortable around Lexa, they had developed an intimacy and understanding between them and it wouldn’t have been out of place for it to progress in episode 6, giving the viewers time to enjoy what was an increasingly beautiful and emotional scene. Instead, we got less than 5 minutes to process before it was ruined. I myself can’t even go back and enjoy that scene because I know what comes next. What comes next is the typical notion that lesbians don’t get happy endings. That if your favoirite lesbian is happy, you better brace yourself for impending doom.

    I’m in my late 20s now and in a happy, healthy relationship with my partner and this still shook me to my core. It brought me back to when I was a teenager and desperately seeking any representation I could find that helped me come to terms with everything I was feeling. I wanted to see myself reflected in the media like everyone else. I’m sad for all the young viewers who had hope that this would give them the representation they desperately seek, that fairytale romance could be for them too.

    The icing on this horrible cake is the fact we know that Lexa will be in the CoL and we can pretty much state with certainty it will be to deliver yet another emotionally charged scene with Clarke only to have her disappear forever. We know this because Jason made sure we’d know it. He invited hoards of viewers to come to the filming, knowing what they would see and the hope it would give them to keep watching, to have hope. And that is absolutely disgusting.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 3:10 pm

      Thanks for your touching share. I agree with and relate to all of it. I came out at just around the time when there was starting to be something resembling representation (i.e. just “after ellen”) and I know without even that little bit of media representation it would’ve been harder for me. Media gives people context to process and accept new ideas. Pedro Zamora on the Real World gave a face to people living with HIV in the 1990s and that entirely changed the perception of large swaths of media audiences. The 100 had the chance to be that kind of force too, and they squandered it in the most blatant and cruel way possible. I am really at a loss as to how they could have let this happen. It’s unconscionable.

  34. Thank you so much for writing this. I think once my own shock and sadness wore off a bit, the first thing I thought of are the thousands of young, vulnerable LGBT kids who watch this show and bought into the promises made by Jason Rothenberg and others associated with the show. These kids busted their asses to promote the show, often trending on twitter and tumblr. They attended cons in Lexa cosplay. They were inspired to write, draw and be creative. These are kids who often cannot openly express themselves to their families and feel isolated from society. So Lexa, and her relationship with Clarke was something they poured their hopes and dreams into. After 307 aired, I read endless troubling accounts of people feeling hopeless, empty, hurt, and fearful of harming themselves. I personally referred several to The Trevor Project. How on earth could Jason not see the potential harm in having Titus, a patriarchal figure in Lexa’s life, accidentally kill her because she loved Clarke, a woman? This occurred immediately after the couple finally made love. Prior to this Titus warned Lexa that Clarke might face the same fate of Costia, who was also murdered because she loved Lexa. It just sends such a horrifying message that love is weakness, especially if you’re queer. I doubt Jason intended to send such an awful message, but it’s the one that resonated with far too many. His silence in the matter is also troubling. I assume he’s working with PR consultants to address the mess he created. I hope and pray that he and other writers and showrunners learn from this situation.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 3:04 pm

      I completely agree with you. I hadn’t even addressed the fact that Titus was specifically coded as her father figure, and most specifically in this episode. That is very troubling in addition to all the other awful aspects of the episode and Lexa’s death. You bring up such an important point.

      I think one of the saddest aspects of this whole thing is what it did to the cadre of young fans. They are an amazing bunch of hilarious, creative, smart kids who came up with the most riotously funny stuff imaginable. Memes about Lexa’s candles and such. They are starting to recover. They have invented a character named Elyza Lex (which they headcanon to be played by Eliza Taylor) that they imagine as the girlfriend of Alicia Clark (played by ADC) on Fear the Walking Dead. They have already created artwork, stories, a bunch of cute stuff. And they are excited because, as a fan creation Elyza can’t be killed. It is a brilliant coping strategy, so I’m starting to have some hope that the kids will bounce back, at least many of them.

      Meanwhile – the larger media landscape and whether or not this will change anything is anyone’s guess. I hope it will. Showrunners don’t operate in a vacuum and to JRoth to have assumed so is the highest form of arrogance and privilege.

    • I’d like to add one or two thoughts which came up reading your comment. I hope to get it conveyed as my mother-tongue isn’t English.
      For one, I think there’s a general problem with the show maybe not knowing who their targeted audience is. As it’s said on and on how dark it is and people get killed, this might be not the right show for young shaken teens in general, IF Jason is heading more in the direction to kill more beloved characters. It’s shocking for everyone, who really invests themselves in a character, but much more if you are a passionate, open teen. And again even more, if you are a queer or questioning girl, who feels already lonely with no one to relate to in tems of your identity. Maybe being bullied, not accepted, not fitting in.

      The other thing what I was wondering about, when you mentioned Titus as a father figure, was the relationship between the showrunner and his writers to those young men and women. We talked about how we all felt lured in a some sort of trusting relationship to them and the show, feeling finally respected and validated. Isn’t the betrayal of Titus on Lexa and her love for Clarke not somehow mirroring in some way the betrayal of Jason and his writers on their young queer viewers?
      I’d like to think even for us it’s in some true, as we all still have this teenager in us who wants to be supported and accepted. And the same abruptness in the narrative (this betrayal and the total crush from happy bliss to total devastation/death) we experienced also with the writers.

      • EB

        March 11, 2016 at 9:18 am

        I think it’s unrealistic to expect LGBT teens to not watch a teen show with LGBT characters is pretty unrealistic. And I think they get to decide what to watch. JRoth did a really irresponsible thing all around. And I like what you say about the Titus/Jroth parallel. It is that in a lot of ways. He set himself up as this wise knowing figure, and then shot us all in the gut. Quite true. I think this parallel is precisely what makes this whole thing much worse than your average show death (LGBT or not). The trust that he built in us was completely shattered, and frankly it has shattered my trust that any show will do right by us anytime soon.

  35. @Anna (sorry there was no reply button under your post)
    This is the link to my friend’s film:

    The editor-in-chief of afterellen is Trish Bendix:

    Let’s start the riot. 😉

  36. I think at times like these everyone should really be praising Lost Girl for being bold and unapologetic about giving Bo and Lauren their happy ending. I believe that Lost Girl really is the only show that got it right when it comes to LGBT representation. I know a ton of people out there were initially impressed that the 100 had a lead bisexual character. But Lost Girl did it first through Bo. Bo fell in love with a man and a woman and it created a sometimes frustrating love triangle. But ultimately, Bo chose the woman and in the end, they got to ride off into the sunset together. I think the writers from the 100 should sit down, along with JRothenberg, and watch the entire Lost Girl series so they could see what respectful LGBT representation on a TV show really looks like.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 3:14 pm

      Thanks for this. I have not watched much Lost Girl, but I imagine I will soon based on everyone’s recommendations. I think, as a Canadian series, it has more leeway than the US is able to show. US media is governed by the FCC codes whose standards are a direct descendant of the old Hollywood morality codes (that’s what they were called) that literally invented the Lesbian Death Trope. Canada has always been a little more progressive. I remember watching the DiGrassi shows when I was a teen and being surprised at the topics they were willing to address, versus the nonsense teen fare that the US produced at the time (Think Saved by the Bell). I’m happy that Lost Girl exists, and I wish it had more than a niche popularity in the US mediascape, though that might be part of what gives it its freedom. I’ve also watched the Carmilla web series, also Canadian. It’s goofy fun but nice in terms of representation.

    • “I think the writers from the 100 should sit down, along with JRothenberg, and watch the entire Lost Girl series so they could see what respectful LGBT representation on a TV show really looks like.”

      Sit down and watch? Screw that noise; go Clockwork Orange with it.

  37. Thank you so much for your words and thoughts! I really appreciate it and totally agree with everything you’ve said!
    It helps me to understand that I am not the only one out there who was so deeply heartbroken about a, in the end, fictional character.
    I hope your article reaches further than only the fans and that it gets shared and heard in a wide spectrum, just like it deserves to be!

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      If it were just a fictional character, or just a show, it wouldn’t have gotten this kind of reaction. This hit at something way deeper, and I really hope that this time is when we kick over the tables and riot and say no more. Nou wamplei nou mou!

      • It’s amazing that so many feel exactly like that this time. Maybe because we burned so heavily this time. We came so far, climbed so high, just to get crashed all the more. Maybe that’s why it feels like a real breakthrough is near?
        Yesterdays trending of LGBT deserve better was a start. We gathered lots of money for the Trevor Project and people from filmindustry joined in. I believe that we can gather many more allies. Even heterosexual men were reaching out – we need to keep this going. I linked your amazingly touching and well put article on many of my tweets and I just hope some will read. As everyone else I want to thank you for your eloquent words which were beautifully describing the process of opening our hearts to the fullest to this pairing and show just to have it crushed in the end. And why all this happened.
        And maybe we needed a character like Lexa, who is such a brave but sensitive and daring warrior, to have this same energy emerging in us. Alycia Debnam-Carey is an extraordinary actress and together with Eliza Taylor they were able to outgrow themselves. I’d like to think we take this spark now to create another stonewall for fictional LGBT characters. 🙂

        • EB

          March 11, 2016 at 9:11 am

          I really really hope that’s what’s happening. I don’t plan on giving up anytime soon. Thanks for sharing. The response last night was really heartening. I’m starting to feel more optimistic again too. <3

  38. It such a harsh world we lived in, but I truly believes that it will be better. People like you who helped voices our feelings will makes it better! As for commander Lexa she will forever lives in our Fanfiction!

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 3:48 pm

      And don’t forget about our new fan-invented character Elyza Lex, now appearing in FTWD fanfiction as Alicia Clark’s girlfriend! Fans made her, and the jerks can’t take her away or kill her. This sort of thing gives me hope. What a creative response to a terrible situation! Thanks for your kind words.

  39. Of course I’ll share this and hope that everyone sees it. Thank you for this and I really wish that it gets in the hands of those who took this ultimate decision. I’ve kind of come to peace with what happened, but what I can’t ignore is all the hurt it created in its tail. We have been used, even if they say otherwise. We have been baited, even of they deny it. We have been lied to, we have been manipulated and even when they say that was not their intention, it doesn’t change the result that there is now thousands of people hurt as we speak, because they didn’t care about our history, our community, our feelings… It hurts me to see people cry. It hurts me to see people loose hope because it throws me back 15 years ago, with Tara (Buffy), 7 years ago with Silvia (Los Hombres de Paco) and I’m seriously not gonna name all of the dead lesbians I saw on TV cause this could take a while, like, a really long while… As a community, as a fandom, as a family, we need to support each other and listen to one another, help each other and that’s what we have to learn from this tragedy, cause yes, I refer to it as a tragedy. In the end, we’ll show the world, the others who just don’t get it, that we, as a community, are freaking strong and loyal and caring about our own and we will keep fighting, because it ain’t the first time we have it rough and unfortunately, it won’t be the last. Seek help if you need, talk to someone, don’t be alone. It WILL get better, it WILL change, but as you said so well, someday, but not today. Sorry for any kind of mistakes in this oh so long comment, english is not my first language. Thanks again for your words, thoughts, for sharing your experiences and I send all my love to us, my dear LGBT community! <3 As Clarke Griffin would say, I do this for my people, you are , my people.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      “Our people!” as the Commander would interject. No worries on your English. There is no perfect speaker of any language. I love how international this fandom is. My only other language that I can write in is German. It’s wonderful how we all communicate. Thanks for your optimism. I am starting to feel more optimism today too. I’m not at peace about the decision they made and what it did to the community. I can never accept that, but I love that this situation – however awful – has brought people together in recognizing that this sorry excuse for representation just has to stop. It can’t go on like this. Nou mou teik oso kru au! No more killing our people!

  40. First let me say your article is extraordinarily well written, as has been mentionned by so many above. It reflects perfectly my own thoughts and feelings on the show, the Clexa relationship and Lexa’s death.
    I’m 40++ normally a happy single lesbian and live in Europe.

    Never ever has a TV character had a stronger appeal to me than the Commander / Lexa. ADC’s superb acting, ET ‘s excellent acting in combination with their sizzling onscreen chemistry has been more than magnetic. At first i could hardly believe it: two strong female lead characters in a sci-fi show and as a super bonus they are in love with each other, too. What a joy to watch (S1+2)!

    All the more frustrating and disappointing to experience episode 3×07 Thirteen and watch how the showrunner decided to end it. Abruptly. Insensitively. Worst timing. Lamest death. So not at all creative. The plot (AI connection etc) could have moved on a thousand other more surprising or exciting ways.
    We have a saying: where there is a will, there also is a way. (this in relation to ADC s other engagements).

    Why would one build up such a beautiful multi layered deep slow burn relationship, just to through it out of the window quite literally only minutes after they finally had their (magnificent) love scene ? That is beyond my comprehension.

    A shame for the lost potential AND creativity that could have been truly revolutionary for LGBT representation on TV worldwide. Obviously that was not (never) on their agenda.

    It is good though that we can share our love and our grief amongst each other here.

    And, we shall not loose hope! Someday will come. I am sure of it.

    Thank you again for writing this exceptional article.
    May we meet again.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 4:08 pm

      Mochof, lukot. For all these reasons you mention, I fully 100% agree with every point. Somebody pointed out a plot hole this morning on social media. They mention that Titus was introduced this season as the Fleimkepa, but where was he before? What would’ve happened if Heda died in battle? Would the flame go out because Titus wasn’t there to remove it? They essentially introduced Titus to kill Lexa, and as another commenter has mentioned – all the more problematic because he’s the disapproving father figure of his gay daughter. It just gets worse and worse the more we analyze it.

      I am glad to know I’m not alone in my feelings, and I’m glad to know that I’m not the only “older” fan who feels this way. We can’t let this one go. We have to do something. This has become my new motto. Nou mou teik oso kru au! No more killing our people!

      • Aside from the showrunner’s behavior, the whole symbolism of Titus’s role in this is what makes me the angriest.

        Religious father-figure.
        Dissaproves of relationship.
        Dissaproval directly leads to death.
        Partner has to standby while father-figure, rather than being held accountable for his actions, assumes complete control over her body and the narrative of how she is remembered.
        Queerness\love is erased and invalidated.

        Does this sound familiar? It should. This happens all the time when queer people die. When I watched poor Clarke standing alone while Lexa’s murderer walked away with her body, after LITERALLY removing her memories and hiding them in a box, I felt sick to my stomach. The fact that this subtext aligns so precisely with the stories of young queer suicide victims is deeply disturbing to me.

        • EB

          March 22, 2016 at 4:38 pm

          The more I consider these details, the more insidious it becomes. Yes yes yes, is all I can say. I am still struck with a wave of nausea now and again just picturing it. It so strongly triggered so many people It’s just incredible. And now that you mention it, yes, with him as a religious figure that hits waaaay to close to home for me with a baptist preacher for a dad. Ugh. I have personally spoken to a young lady (age 16-17 I believe) who had to be hospitalized for suicidal ideation. It is very very real.

  41. Thank you so much for writing this. I just wanted to say that I’m in my mid-thirties & have unfortunately seen this trope played out in a variety of ways on tv over the years. When you take everything into consideration (especially all the PR from cast/crew), I truly think this is the most appalling & disgusting use of the trope ever.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 4:34 pm

      It’s by far the worst I’ve known. I still can’t believe it happened. Not only do we have The Trope, but they had knowledge of the Trope, assured us they wouldn’t go that route, and then did it anyway, and arrogantly insist that “it wasn’t the Trope because we say it wasn’t the Trope” despite ripping off that already controversial use of it by Joss Whedon (who, despite how much I respect him) claimed he wasn’t using it either. In 2002 that was *maybe* vaguely plausible, though still terrible. But in 2016? No. It’s just willful manipulation of a vulnerable audience to get views, shares, and ratings – and therefore, of course money. Disgusting indeed.

      • I still can’t believe it happened either. I really did think they were better than this. It’s hard for me to reconcile the fact that the same people who did this were also responsible for crafting such a beautiful & engaging relationship.

  42. I won’t tell you your feelings are wrong (as they aren’t!) but to say you speak for the entirety of the gay community and that anyone who disagrees must not understand our struggles is unfair. I’m a queer woman (who was bullied throughout school for being openly gay, for the record) and being told that my less extreme response is obviously because I’m straight is wrong and somewhat insulting.

    In addition, arguing that the Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage will be struck down is purely conjecture and therefore not something you can just assume will happen, and I would encourage you to look into the legal precedent surrounding SC cases being reversed in their entirety.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 5:11 pm

      I don’t claim any expertise in how the SC works, tbh. I just know that states have been chipping away at Roe v. Wade for 40 years, and there are currently like 2 clinics in Texas where one can receive a safe, legal abortion. That wasn’t any kind of argument our claim. It was off the cuff statement borne of frustration.

      I also don’t claim to speak for the gay community. I can only speak for me – “walk a mile in my shoes.” All the struggles I mention are my own experience, coming from the place of being a white native of the rural South, raised in a Fundamentalist Christian home, who came of age and came out in the 1990s. Notice that I don’t even encourage anyone else to boycott the show. I merely explain why I can no longer support it.

  43. Thanks so much for writing this. I have a draft of a post on “Thirteen” for my blog (, but now I’m thinking I should just reblog your post! Beautifully articulate.

    Like you and other commenters, I am a lesbian in a stable marriage (with three kids no less), have a fulfilling career as a writer, and have been happily out for more than 25 years. And yet this episode completely f***ed with my head. I only recently discovered Clexa on Tumblr. I have no doubt I would have come to it sooner, but our twins are about to turn three, so the last three years have been about survival in a non-post-apocalyptic way. Or maybe entirely in a post-apocalyptic way. Anyway, I binge-watched The 100 two weeks ago in time to see 3×06 (The Candles Episode) sort of live. And then 3×07 happened.

    In anticipation of the rumored love scene, I actually convinced my non-sci-fan-fan wife to watch with me last week. This is the same woman who timed one of the battle scenes in LOTR in the theater on her indiglo Timex (blasphemy!). But don’t worry, I got back at her by naming one of our daughters Elowyn, which, if she’d paid more attention to LOTR, is pretty dang close to Éowyn. Just saying.

    The Clexa love scene was fantastic, and even though I knew it was coming, I kept saying, “No way. No way! I can’t believe this!” Unfortunately, seventy seconds of screen time later, I was standing in the middle of the living room staring in shock at the televisions going, “No, no, no, no, no! Not again. No, this is not happening. No, they can’t do this!!! They can’t Kill the Lesbian!”

    But they could do it, and they did. And for several days afterward I felt as if the world had been drained of color. I felt hopeless and empty, sad and listless. Even staring into my children’s beautiful faces didn’t bring the joy it normally does. It took me until yesterday, when I discovered Elyza Lex, to recover. And now I am Lexark trash–if it isn’t too unseemly for a 44-year-old mother of three to refer to herself as such.

    Cheers to those awesome, creative, Phoenix-like kids in the fandom for reappropriating Clexa in the most inspiring way. Cheers to you for writing this post. I wish you well in your emotional recovery. We are strong. We will be okay. And Lexa and Clarke are still ours.

    • EB

      March 9, 2016 at 6:19 pm

      Yes what you’ve written here almost completely corresponds with my situation (except the kids part, and my love of the 100 was spread out over the course of a couple of years, alas) But yes I am loving the Lexark creation happening before our very eyes. I plan on writing a postscript to this post about it pretty soon. I continue to be amazed by their hilarity and sass. I’m glad I’m not the only “old” on tumblr too. I can’t stay away from it because it makes me laugh so much. Unlike facebook, which usually just makes me cringe or wanna tear my hair out. I”m now starting to be able to watch clips or gifs from the episode without getting too sad (except the death scene, probably won’t be able to look at it anytime soon), and FTWD is a pretty okay show as it turns out. Maybe someday we’ll get our good lesbian character who stays alive. I just had such hope for this one. The 100 was poised to make a real difference, by giving a mainstream audience a queer character they could cheer on. But here’s to next time I guess. I’m glad the kids are pulling out of their funk and channeling their rage into better things.

  44. Look I’m not gay, bi, queer, lesbian, anything like that. I’m also not female. I’m male. So why should my opinion on a show I have never seen and based on this post will never see matter?

    Because I’m typing it while sitting in a wheelchair. I. Get. It. Let me explain why I get it. I was a temporary viewer of Glee. I lasted a few seasons, and, while I’m not fully in the “Handicapped characters should be played by handicapped actors.” camp because I am enough of a TV obsessive that I understand that at the end of the day, you can’t hire an inferior actor simply for the sake of realism. Much like in video games, realism is fun, but too much realism kills the fun. Breaking Bad is an example. The actor who played Walt, Jr., like me, has Cerebral Palsy. And that’s great and they cast a cripple to play a cripple, sweet. But I can’t stand the actor. I’ve now seen him on two shows, and he is a scenery chewing mess. So real cripples playing cripples, not so great if they don’t have the acting ability to back it up. I get that. I’m not saying there isn’t a handicapped person who can’t act well enough to play a handicapped character. There is, in fact, one on NCIS: New Orleans right now. I’m just saying RJ Mitte sucks. Whether that is directly related to his CP, or completely unrelated, I don’t know. All things being even 80% equal, you hire the handicapped actor, even if he or she is not quite as good as the actor who isn’t handicapped. Trust me, the difference in the eyes of someone with that condition, will more than make up for the 20% loss in acting ability. We can spot a fake within seconds. RJ Mitte wasn’t within the quality vs. accuracy range that justified his casting, especially not on a show where a weak actor stuck out so much.

    What I don’t get is that every handicapped character, that I have ever seen, in the history of my TV viewing life, has often been a one episode guest star, or if they weren’t a one shot character, they existed only for diversity, or only to teach you folks with working bodies how to talk to a gimp.

    I’m going to take a brief commercial break to knock this crap that I already see coming right out of the way. Yes, I have at least three times so far in this post used un-PC terms to refer to people with less than fully functional bodies. Offended? Save it. I don’t care if you’re handicapped or your cousin is handicapped or you knew a handicapped kid in school. There is NOTHING wrong with those words.

    Which connects to what I said before my break. “to teach you folks with working bodies how to talk to a gimp.”

    TV fails at this mission every time, and they will always fail, simply because they tried. There is not a correct way to address us, there is not a correct way to talk to us. There is not a correct way to behave around us. We are just people.

    I hope for the day that someone writes a character in a wheelchair, mentions the reason why the chair is there once, and never mentions the chair again, because that is the correct way to write a handicapped character.

    Maybe someday.

    • EB

      March 10, 2016 at 8:53 pm

      You, sir, get to use whatever terms you like. People get to self-name. That’s something I feel strongly about. Some folks also don’t like the term queer. I use it because I’m not your suburban, HRC poster child golf lesbian. I’m queer, and my mom wishes I were more ladylike. Interestingly, the 100 has a character with an acquired disability, Raven Reyes, whose leg got disabled by a gunshot wound last season. I’ve been rather unhappy with how they’ve treated her thus far. The people of color on this show have also had some substandard representation. I plan to address that soon, because another beloved character (biracial) is about to be killed off in an unjust manner. I also hope that all of our identities get represented properly and are played with integrity. I wish that would happen sooner or later. Thanks for your share, friend.

      • Even white dues from the middle of Kansas can be minorities. Handicapped isn’r often thought of or mentioned with minorities, but it damn well should be. We don’t live in the same world as most people. Not by a longshot. And while I long ago lost interest in most of the disability politics, the portrayal in media still pisses me off.
        It’s either a dramatic device where they stick a previously healthy character iin a chair who looks like what it looks like when a walking person decides to goof off in a wheelchair.
        Or they cast a walking actor to play a one shot “very special episode” character. Or they cast them for diversity but then never really explore the issues in a real way, worst offender being Glee where they threw a wheelchair in for diversity, rarely explored the issues surrounding it, AND they cast a walking person in the roll to do it.
        Or they cast an actual cripple but only pay lip service to exploring the issues because they just like the idea but don’t really know or care to know anything about what it’s really like.

        The one good example, and I can’t believe I’m saying this about a show on ABC Family, is Switched at Birth. They have NAILED exploring deaf issues and deaf culture. They did an entire episode where with the exception of the very last line, if a deaf character in the room, even as a background character, there was no audible dialog for that scene. 90% of an entire episode was in subtitled ASL. And I loved them for it.

        If only other shows would give other handicaps the same treatment.

        And I know I said at the end of my first post that the right way to do it was to not do it at all, and my whole Switched at Birth thing goes against that, but I said that because they refuse to do it right, so making it a non-issue is the least wrong way.

        • EB

          March 11, 2016 at 9:25 am

          What’s your feeling on Daredevil as a character and the Netflix series? He’s a blind superhero. It’s also a trope of course – the “handicap as precursor to superpowers” thing. The actor, of course, is not blind.

          I hope representation improves for all of us. Thanks for pointing out Switched at Birth. I’d like to check it out. A colleague of mine came and did a lecture on portrayals of disability in the Grimm’s fairy tales. It was eye-opening and fascinating. Her name is Ann Schmiesing. She has a book on it. She herself is deaf and came at it very much from an insider perspective. The students and my colleagues really got a lot out of it.

    • One of my first online friends was a guy whose CP requires him to use a wheelchair at least some of the time. He’s a fantastic writer and has two degrees in screenwriting (BFA from USC, MFA from UCLA). He’s on a Writers Guild panel about increasing representation of people with disabilities both behind and in front of the camera. If you don’t have diversity in the writers’ room, you often don’t have it anywhere else, and the diversity you DO have tends to be inaccurate or stereotypical.

      Ryan, can I ask what you thought of “Mad Max: Fury Road”? I liked that nobody even commented on Furiosa’s arm — it had no tragic backstory and she wasn’t pitied or seen as “brave” for “overcoming her disability.” She just got shit done.

  45. Thank you so much for this! As a young queer person, it just hurts so much that this is still the best representation we get on TV. This isn’t even the first amazing fictional lesbian that’s died lately (Charlie from SPN, anyone?) and I’m really pissed off about it. You put my feelings into words better than I ever could, so thank you for that.

    • EB

      March 10, 2016 at 8:46 pm

      I’m glad to be here for you and that I could write this. I heard about Charlie as well. I never got into Supernatural, but any death of one of us onscreen is a blow. I think Lexa’s is especially remarkable because of just how calculated, sudden, and merciless it was both in the brutality and the timing of it. It could not be more textbook trope. It could not be more deliberately homophobic. I hope that the young generation of writers will bring some nuanced clarity into our entertainment in the coming years. We need it desperately.

  46. This is what I needed to read tonight to feel a little less alone. I’m still angry and hurt, and that is at it should be. Queer women deserve so much more, and we are starving for stories that will do us justice. This betrayal cut deep, and you explained and articulated the reasons beautifully and powerfully, and I am grateful. Your article is the one I will pass along to any and all who might not understand the trauma, despair, and grief this storyline has caused for so many. People are listening, including allies in the media, such as Maureen Ryan (@moryan), which is how I found your article. I am breathing easier tonight because of you. Thank you.

    • EB

      March 10, 2016 at 8:42 pm

      I’m glad I could be of help. I am hoping that folks outside our community also get the chance to read this. I’m not watching tonight, and somehow my Thursday is a lot less stressful than last week. I saw that Mo tweeted my article. What an honor. I thanked her. Be good to yourself tonight. But let’s keep fighting!

      • I’m with you. I won’t be watching, at least for now while the grief is still so raw.
        Your article and the responses it generated are inspiring and empowering. The fight goes on, and as exhausting, frustrating and ugly as it gets, we are not going anywhere. If I have gotten anything positive from this awfulness, it is the reminder that queer women, young and not as young, are advocating for justice, representation and joy with passion, fierceness, and creativity (goodness, tumblr!). I also hope that people outside our community take greater responsibility and get in on the fight to make things better. Soon. Now.
        I look forward to reading more from you. Thanks again!

        • EB

          March 11, 2016 at 9:29 am

          I plan on writing a postscript about the fan response, particularly amongst young, queer, women. I’ve already started it in fact, might finish over the weekend. And I’ll probably follow this story as far as it goes. Thanks for reading!

  47. I just chanced across this post on Twitter and wanted to respond. I followed The 100 but at a distance. The show was just not my style. But I did want to follow the Clarke/Lexa relationship, so I would typically skim to see how it went. I did a couple podcasts with the GenreTVForAll folks, which focuses on representation in genre. On Twitter, we often exchange stats on the current shows. I would recommend Lost Girl and In The Flesh. The latter I’ve never seen (but plan to) , but the former I was a big fan of, and it’s final season is airing on Syfy now. As far as I know, these are the only 2 mainstream shows to ever give their queer characters a happy ending. Additionally, in its final season, Lost Girl also had a majority queer and majority female cast; and it was the first show to ever have a heroic lead character in a same sex relationship.

    • EB

      March 11, 2016 at 9:27 am

      I have seen a little of Lost Girl, and based on people’s recommendations, I will probably explore it further now. I understand Person of Interest has a possible lesbian romance brewing as well. I hadn’t heard of In the Flesh, but I’ll have to check it out. Thanks so much for doing your podcasting and thanks for the recs. Take care, friend!

      • No problem, and thanks for your article, it seems to be helping a lot of people. POI was a bit of a special case, I believe. I’ve seen one ep and it was good. But its queer representation comes, oddly enough, from a pair of recurring guest characters, who eventually became main. The final run of the show is gearing up, so it is not quite in the bag yet about who will make it.

  48. I cried after reading this, because I can relate. Thank you for expressing what I would have said after watching this episode. It’s been a week and it still hurts.

    • EB

      March 11, 2016 at 9:21 am

      It still hurts me too. All we can do now is just try to use this to make people aware of what a problem it is for us. Thanks for your kind words. Be well, friend.

  49. “You spent every day of your adolescence feeling doomed to a life of utter loneliness and despair. As a kid I never pictured my dream wedding or a family. I imagined myself as a grownup living alone in a cabin in the woods.”
    I haven’t finished reading it yet, but oh my god, THIS! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to explain that at 12 years old, I “knew” no one would every love me if they actually knew me, and I would be spending my life alone and without love. I sincerely believed that.

    • EB

      March 11, 2016 at 9:20 am

      I didn’t even know why I was different. I just knew I was. And you know why I didn’t understand what made me different? Because there was basically ZERO media representation when I was growing up. And nothing remotely resembling positive. I’m of the “before Ellen” generation. But I wish I still had all the cabin floor plans I used to draw. I just wanted to be away from society because i didn’t feel I fit in anywhere.

      • These are the lines I most identified with in your original post, too. In fact, after my junior year of high school I was planning to load up my backpack and my dog and set off “Walk Across America”-style, except across Canada because I lived in Michigan and, well, why not. I didn’t consider this plan running away because I was only going to be gone for the summer–I still wanted to finish high school and go to college to permanently escape my hometown. Unfortunately, or fortunately, my mom got sick that school year and I didn’t have the heart to “walk” away, not even for the summer. The cabin/shelter in the woods was a reassuring fantasy for a while, though, until I landed at a women’s college where queer women were popular and I fell in love with a classmate who saw me for me and still, somehow, loved me. Only then did my carefully numb heart begin to thaw.

        Maybe that’s why I connected so deeply with Lexa–she was a wounded fighter who slowly, gradually began to warm up again with Clarke. To see her so happy and open in one scene and then dead in the next was, as you said, EB, “remarkable because of just how calculated, sudden, and merciless it was both in the brutality and the timing of it. It could not be more textbook trope. It could not be more deliberately homophobic.” And that might be why, more than a week later, I’m still thinking and writing about my own emotional response.

        Anyway, thanks to everyone who is participating in the conversation. It helps to be part of this fantastic online community. Even though I’m currently by myself in my writing studio (I finally built a little cabin in the woods, and it’s awesome!), I don’t feel remotely alone with my pain over 3×07. In junior high and high school, I was sure some days that no one who saw me (other than my dog) cared if I lived or died. I’m so glad that contemporary queer youth have a place to find each other, even if it’s only virtual. And that they tolerate the presence of us older folks, too!

        • EB

          March 14, 2016 at 9:34 pm

          I’m still astounded about how much pain I feel about this death. I think she touched a really deep place in all of us. Your jr. high feelings you describe very closely resemble mine. I went to a liberal arts college but did not have the courage to come out until after, when I was 24. I dated a lot from 25 to about 29 and was in an 8-year relationship after that, but it didn’t work out. I really though I would’ve find love even then, but I did. And I deeply connected with Clexa because they did such a great job of portraying that kind of deep connection. Jo Garfein at some point tweeted that she wished that kind of love for everyone, that everyone deserves to be looked at the way that Lexa looked at Clarke (and eventually vice versa). I wish that for people too. I think those of us who have found a happy ending have to be out there for the kids who don’t think it’s possible.

  50. Wow, now that I’ve listened to the podcast Trish Bendix posted on AfterEllen I am ready to smash something The Hulk style. Is there really nobody out there who wants to rally the troops and be the hero LGTB people deserve? What happened to this Website that is supposedly “playing for my team”?
    If you guys haven’t listened to it, here’s the link:

    • EB

      March 11, 2016 at 9:14 am

      I’m quite disappointed in the Hollywood response to be honest. Blastr was the only review site that really called the show out for using the Trope, and they have had other properties pull their screener privileges because of it. That’s the trouble with entertainment journalism right now is that they are so scared to criticize because they’ll lose contacts and privileges (and therefore money and prestige). Of course the mainstream media hasn’t touched this. I’d be surprised if EW doesn’t at least mention it, but they’ll probably remain above the fray and just report. MarySue and AfterEllen really really disappointed me though. They’re supposed to be on our side.

      • Yes. I may have mentioned my disappointment in my rant/post on AE. 😉
        What really gets me is that AE started out as a website that criticized shows and movies for exactly the behaviour it now seems to be okay with due to their privileges and contacts . They actually had something to say “back in the day”. Today reading it is like flipping through the latest tabloid.
        If we don’t find a voice for this community, if no one speaks up and is listened to things are never going to change. It really drives me mad. I live in Germany. I have no idea what I can do to help facilitate change except for giving my two cents in discussions like this and virtually screaming at people on AE.
        If someone has an idea what else there is that could be done, just tell me, because I’m frustrated right now. And I’ve had enough.

  51. Thank you for putting it into words most of us cannot say as well. Clexa gave me so much hope, and then they just ripped it away like most other LGBT couples in shows.

    • EB

      March 12, 2016 at 11:09 am

      I totally feel the pain you’re expressing. There will never be another Clexa, and it’s just so frustrating.

  52. Look up Agent Carter. One of the main characters (Sousa) is an amputee. As the show is set in the late 40s his handicap is often brought up against him however he always surpasses expectations, and becomes a pretty good hero. And best of all? He’ll probably get the girl by the end of the story.

  53. I’m of the us boomer generation and have long noticed the perverse way many movies and tv have denigrated lesbian, gay and bi love by murdering the lover (s). It’s sickening and and abusive. So shallow, so, so shallow. I’ve never understood it. It reminds me of the lynching of blacks without trials in the southern states. Real live hoping feeling people condemned to short lives with wretched ends solely because of the evil of racism. My mind just keeps trying to find ways that the death can be undone.
    I also did not expect to see homosexual love to gain as much acceptance as it has in my lifetime. As a young girl, as a teen, and as a young adult I wondered how “they” could ever bear it, year after year, never to be able to walk holding hands, to share a kiss in public, to have a wedding, to be truthful with family,
    It seemed to happen overnight, like a dream come true. Of course it didn’t, and not without fighting. Not without the pain of millions of battered hearts. I and many others breathe in with amazement and relief every time we see same sex love expressed openly now. To you who suffer now this bitter betrayal of beautiful love and power -I’m holding you and caring about your pain -as are many others like me.
    I am so sorry the evil still exists. It makes me aware how this prejudice seems to be just one face of an dark force that has many faces. It can reach out and grab even gifted media artists and turn them into torturers with their hideous cliche’ endings. But they allow themselves to be grabbed.
    I agree with you who say this is cruel and irresponsible to young people too. Cry out! Cry out ! To protest is worth something. I protest for Clark and Lexa and all those in the world today who in some countries are still punished, even executed for loving someone. It’s the same ignorance.
    So slowly it seems to me, but the world IS changing.

  54. oh yes yes yes a million times yes. thank you for this. for your honesty, your eloquent wording, your careful explanations. thank you.

  55. I completely agree 100%. I’m glad you managed to express the fans’ feelings in this article.

  56. As a straight person disgusted with what the 100 did all I say is this. Keep fighting and keep making your voices heard.

    • EB

      March 14, 2016 at 9:43 pm

      We need the straight community to join us. There are many more of you than there are of us.

      • Another straight person here that is disgusted and will support you. Please keep fighting. JR and the CW ignoring the LGBT community is a story for the mainstream media. JR (and the CW) promoted the show using LGBT fans but ignored and marginalized those same fans. The behavior is unacceptable and they should be called on it. JR has been obnoxious and would love the topic to be reduced to fans are upset because a character/actress had to exit the show, instead of the real issues which you and others have eloquently and adeptly articulated. They want you to feel ignored, tired, defeated, and marginalized so you will quit. I really hope that doesn’t happen and there is tenacious fight ( a la – ACT UP) – refuse to be quiet, refuse to quit until you are heard and see results. If the outcry is loud enough and long enough, the media will pick it up.

        How should one follow and help?

        • EB

          March 15, 2016 at 12:34 pm

          Contact advertisers, the network, forward posts and articles like this. The cause was taken up by Variety yesterday, and the journalist quoted this blog. I think people are out there listening, but the louder we are, the better it will work. There are more straights than gays, just statistically speaking, so we need all the help we can get. If you go into the Clexa tag on Tumblr you will find a lot of info on what we can do. Those kids are *really* good at this process. Tumblr is where the Twitter trends are organized, from what I can tell.

  57. Thank you for what you wrote. It resonates with so many of us!
    I’m 42, living my life like everybody else, and I know who I am at the core.

    Lexa’s death hit me the same way as many who’ve invested their time and emotions for the show. After the shock, I really felt it that weekend, and I cried like someone who had just lost a dear loved one.
    We all know that the shock, hurt, anger, sadness, and disappointment is real and was felt, despite some people not understanding how it would affect our community. I’m still livid about the immediate death after all the work to build them up and consummation just before.
    Been there, seen that with Tara and previous characters on tv who have met a similar demise, and I feel for everyone especially our lgbt youth in this time.
    Imagine if they had made a more revolutionary choice, to somehow have Lexa navigate through all the danger & complexities of her position and come out alive and continue to love Clarke….a small light in this apocalyptic darkness. There were so many avenues they could have taken, other than what was chosen and the potential for such a remarkable character to go so far beyond the show was there.
    Lexa is all of ours now. Let’s continue to speak up as we deserve better.
    Thank you again.

  58. Thank you so much for this. I have never been so profoundly affected by anything like this. I was in awe every time there was a scene with Lexa and Clarke because they commanded everything about that show like I’ve never seen before. The fact that there was utmost respect for them from every single character as who they were for human beings with no one pointing out that they could never be together because of their gender/sexuality blew my mind. And then there was Titus running around saying you can never have love, and then kills her. I’m still so devastated personally and for everyone else. I hope that my future children will be able to live in a world where they won’t have to be constantly searching for a representation of who they are. It seems that no one that I’ve seen has pointed out Cat’s death in Lip Service. That was a lesbian show, and they pulled the same thing! You can’t even count on the comfortable any more.

    Thanks again!

    • EB

      March 14, 2016 at 9:41 pm

      It’s unfortunate that this trope hangs on even in some shows that are supposed to be providing the best representation out there. In real life we are not tragic, or at least we don’t have to be. But you wouldn’t know that from what’s in the media. For this reason I will be as out as I possibly can be. I don’t want kids to have to deal with what I did. And I don’t want anybody else to have to go through another Lexa type death. We deserve so much better than that. We deserve to see “our people” be happy too.

  59. Hello, I came across a link to your article while listening to a podcast discussing the CW show The 100 episode 7 “Thirteen”.

    Thank you so much for putting into words every emotion I’ve been feeling! I’ve never been so completely wrecked by a characters death before! I mean it’s been over a week and I’m still searching the internet for reaction and support in dealing with the cornucopia of emotions racing through me about Lexa’s death.
    I too believed Jason and the writers when they said not to worry, they were going to do it right. . .
    Which makes the betrayal all the more painful, actual physical pain, like having the wind knocked out of you with a swift kick to the gut!
    I am a 40 something lesbian who sometimes still struggles with it. I didn’t come out until I was 27, I grew up in a really small town.
    This particular t.v. relationship resonated with me, it made me feel optimistic. I mean the show takes place 97 years in the future, you would think by then society would finally be o.k. with the LGBT community!
    And seriously Lexa, I mean wow, what a complex and amazing character! Alycia Debnam Carey played her with a much wiser than her years conviction and it was beautiful. Lexa to me was the most layered and charismatic character on the show. Clarke is a close second.
    I knew that Lexa was going to be leaving the show at some point. ADC had always been a guest star so her departure was inevitable. However, the circumstances of her departure could have been handled entirely different! The way she was unceremoniously killed off right after her and Clarke finally give in to their feelings is just not acceptable! It also keeps the “dead lesbian trope” alive and well in 2016! Truly though it was poor and lazy writing, full of glaring plot holes as well! The rest of the episode was done quite well considering. But to think that Titus, the flame keeper, advisor and father figure who had adhered to every order Lexa had ever given him concerning Clarke. Inexplicably just randomly goes rogue and tries to kill Clarke even though she is literally getting ready to leave the woman she loves, is ludicrous!
    Also, was not Anya a commander? If so, where was her AI chip, why was it not cut out and recovered so the “chip” could pick the next commander at the conclave?
    I just am so upset by it all, I feel spit on, cheated. It’s like the relationship was used for water cooler conversation and a ratings stunt!
    Sorry about the rant, thank you again for your words.

    • EB

      March 14, 2016 at 9:27 pm

      I’m glad my blog could help you process some of those feelings. Everything you describe is exactly what I felt as well. I still feel it. Also I’m a 43-yo lesbian who didn’t come out until 24, so I know those feelings too. I hope this was able to bring you some comfort. I agree with your assessment of the story. Three 16 y/o’s from Tumblr could’ve come up with a better story in 5 minutes. It was that bad. I mean, where was Titus when they got attacked by the Pauna? It’s not like he was there to do his job. And like was he there every time she went to war? It’s almost as though they introduced Titus just to kill her. So dumb.

      • Very true, I had not thought about all the other times Lexa’s life was in jeopardy and Titus was nowhere to be found! So bad, I mean the episode was rife with incredibly silly writing! I totally understand Jason and the writers need/want to bring the two stories together. They just did it in a lazy, unbelievable fashion. The AI reveal was brilliant, . . . If you’ve never watched any other episodes of the show! Every episode this season seems to have been hurried and rushed a bit. I think the only story that slowly legitimately built steam was Clarke & Lexa admitting to and acting on their emotions. Then that story was immediately, abruptly and unceremoniously ended as soon as it hit it’s stride. It’s just truly disappointing, this couple had the possibility to be a true representation of love between two amazing women. . . Ugh.

  60. First, I want to add my voice to the chorus of appreciation for this beautiful, eloquent, and impassioned post expressing what so many of us felt, and are still feeling. I watched Tara’s death on Buffy in real time way back then, and how terrible is it that we had to see the same senseless, pain-laden trope death for Lexa 14 years after that??? (Yes, I know most viewers of The 100 – although not you or I! – are too young to have watched Buffy live, but as Heather Hogan pointed out, that doesn’t mean they haven’t gone back to watch the show for its Willow/Tara storyline or seen clips.)

    Clarke’s recitation of the Traveler’s Blessing *destroyed* me that night – I heard her anguished rendition of it over and over again through several seemingly sleepless hours after the episode. It just twisted the dagger – that not only did she lose Lexa, but that she had to helplessly *watch her die* – something she had vowed she would not do just a couple of episodes ago – and say goodbye to her in such a heartrendingly traumatic way.

    I also want to thank you for your great recaps of the other S3 episodes – I’ve been rewatching selectively and reading those: by far the best Clexa-centric recaps around (and also just really strong recaps of the episodes in general).

    I’m sad you’ll probably never write that piece about Clarke and Lexa’s courtship, because, as you commented throughout, it was complex and beautiful, so fitting to these two characters. The loss of watching them engage as political and military allies (or, one could have imagined, rivals once again), not to mention human beings with uncommon intelligence, strength, passion, and heart, the loss of their relationship as friends, lovers, and soulmates – it’s profound and the sheer WASTE of it still guts me.

    On a more positive note, I’m heartened by how mainstream outlets have picked up this whole debacle – and congrats on getting cited in Mo Ryan’s most recent Variety article! That gives me hope that it is not true that “Lexa died for nothing.” We will make it mean something, even if, sadly, that can’t be within the narrative of the show.

    • EB

      March 15, 2016 at 12:31 pm

      I’m heartened by that as well. But as you put it, yes, a sheer waste. I’m not saying I’ll never write anything about Clarke and Lexa again, just that I’m no longer supporting the show, trying to win over fans, etc. like I did up to 3×07. Right now I’m working on a post about the fan reaction / creative responses to grief. The traveler’s blessing will forever kill me. It was so beautiful to begin with, but that was just heartwrenching. Ugh. My heart feels wrenched right now just thinking about it.

      • I’m glad that there’s still a possibility that you’ll write more about Clarke and Lexa. Anything from now on will be bittersweet, but I still look forward to your analyses and commentary! (I so wish you’d gotten to the Season 2 Clexa episode recaps before this all went down.)

        Agreed about the beauty of the traveler’s blessing, quite apart from this episode. (But I’ll forever associate it with Clarke’s last moments with Lexa …)

        • EB

          March 15, 2016 at 2:30 pm

          I probably will complete those at some point. Because I’m a completist. And I have notes for episodes I never got around to recapping. And I have enjoyed writing these recaps. I will probably also start recapping Fear the Walking Dead. No worries.

          • All power to your completism! Despite 3X07, I find myself still able to enjoy the incredibly journey Clarke and Lexa took together from 2X07 onwards, and it would be a treat to see what you say about those initial interactions (even before the first kiss, they were compelling together).

            I doubt I’ll watch FTWD, but if you start covering it, I’ll probably read your recaps just for the enjoyment of your insight and wit :).

            • EB

              March 15, 2016 at 3:21 pm

              I thought it would be too gory, and I’m very sensitive to gore, but it hasn’t affected me watching it in that context. It’s pretty easy to tell when something extra gross might happen, so I just close my eyes. It presents a lot of compelling situations. As I said here, I’m a sucker for survival scenarios. I loved BSG for the same reason.

              • I love post-apocalyptic settings too – with you about BSG for sure (which, as others have pointed out, The 100 draws on in multiple ways). I watched three seasons of The Walking Dead, which I believe set a new point at the time for television gore, but it also had compelling characters and storylines. Most of what I’ve read about FTWD says it’s inferior to TWD, which is why I’m not that interested. But as I said, I’ll be interested to read your recaps if you do them!

  61. EB, I think a message of greater acceptance for all is trying to be raised. It is really shocking to me in our current political climate how far apart we really are. That hurts us all. I am also very saddened that you were led to believe by someone that things were heading in a positive direction only to be slammed down again. I have not watched the show but I am a huge fan favorite of Walking Dead. Their is currently a story arch of two strong females characters in a new gay relationship. Unfortunately, I cant presume that they will not perish, but I can strongly say it will probably not be because they are gay. Everyone seems to bite the dust in just the act of daily living! Again, you have all my support and I will bring this up in conversation as often as I am able.

    • EB

      March 16, 2016 at 3:38 pm

      Thanks for your support. I believe this is not just for LGBT fans but also for a more accepting world for everyone. I’ve heard about the characters on TWD. I might try to watch sometime, but I have a hard time with gore and high tension, so I’m not sure my heart could take it. LOL. But yes, the walkers make it dangerous for everyone. It would, however, be really ironic if the lesbians on that show got to live despite how dangerous it is.

  62. HaHa, I will be sure to tell you how it ends!!

  63. It’s been almost 2 weeks, and I still can’t get over this pit in my stomach that lexa’s death caused. The only positive of this disaster is that it informed people like me who are not part of the LGBT community, about the history of the dead lesbian trope. It has been so heartbreaking. To hear about the pain of what lgbt fans are going thru because lexa was one of the few characters on tv that fans could look up to, to relate to, be taking away so cheaply. I have never been so invested in a couple like I was w lexa and Clarke. It makes me so mad how the show took advantage of the fans promising they were different and the results will be different. They blew it. They had fans so invested w their awesome, creative gif’s, meme’s and videos. They had all the praise from the media for being progressive. And they threw it away. F them!

  64. The part where you explain walking a mile in your shoes is the part that hits the nail right, directly on the head. It’s also the part that is not ever considered by the mainstream.
    The media needs to realize just how much power they wield, just how much television shapes a person’s world view and reinforces stereotypes. Beautiful article. I will also not be watching the show again.

    • EB

      March 17, 2016 at 1:43 pm

      Indeed. That’s really the part that no one gets. I wish there was some way that every homophobe could experience our perspective for like 5 minutes. It would change everything. Instead, we just have to keep communicating our experience to anyone who will halfway listen. Thanks for your kind words.

  65. I watched The 100 coz my friends told me it was nice.. after several episodes in season 1, I stopped watching….got bored..until one of my friends showed me a clip of Lexa and Clarke kissing. And that was it! I just had to watch the show again! The chemistry was amazing and Lexa was just stunning!..

    I did a marathon and managed to stop until the latest episode which was 3×5 at that time..I had a strong feeling that Lexa was gonna die because of Clarke’s influence in the new advocacy “Blood must not have blood”. I was still hopeful that it could still be a happy ending. Until 3×7, I saw some spoilers before I got the chance to watch it that Lexa died. I’ve never been so down and this affected over a fictional character. It felt like my whole world collapsed. It’s a good thing I have a gf and a dog , otherwise I would feel even worse. I’ve been trying to understand why I felt and still feeling this way. After all, she’s just another character. But to me she’s not. She’s a great representation of a strong female leader. I would still love her even if she was straight. But she died in the most un imaginable way and I happen to be a huge Buffy fan and saw the episode where Tara died. And the similarity between the 2 deaths was painfully nostalgic. I wanted to see her happy with Clarke at least for sometime before she departs the show..and she didn’t have to die, there are sooo many ways she could have exited the show. And maybe just maybe, she could come back again to be reunited with Clarke. But death by a stray bullet? WTF!!! It just tore me apart and just like that, all my hopes were gone. Why do gay characters have to die while heterosexuals get to live happily ever after?

    I’ve decided to stop watching the show and will only watch an episode where Lexa appears (most likely in the City of Light or some sort of memory) but that’s it. Lexa was a great character and makes us aspire to be like her. Confident, strong, beautiful, smart and fearless. A great role model not just for queers but even for straight people. She will never be forgotten and I hope there are more like her in real life.

    Thank you EB for the beautiful post. It reminds me that I’m not alone and there are people out there who makes me feel that what I’m feeling is normal and should not be brushed aside.. I am still trying to get over Lexa’s death and even though ADC is a main character in FTWD (which I’m also a huge fan of), Lexa is not the same with Alicia Clark. There is only one Lexa. I hope her legacy lives on and we continue this fight for the right representation of queers on tv and movies.

    • EB

      March 17, 2016 at 1:42 pm

      Lexa (and the overarching situation) has affected people more than any TV show or other media I’ve ever seen. Your feelings are 100% valid. It’s real grief. Like neurologically it’s exactly the same as if you lost someone real. Your brain, at a chemical level, literally does not know the difference. You might check my next post. It’s more positive and might give you some comfort.

  66. Thank you for this. I’m going through a lot right now and watched this episode at the end of a very long day, my first chance to unwind in a couple of weeks. Needless to say, it destroyed me. Everything you said here is what made it so fucking hard for me. I’ve never been this genuinely upset about a show. I’ve never felt like a show destroyed something so sacred to me. This show was an important part of my self-care, self-care that’s critical living in an unaccepting state as an out queer person, trying to advocate for positive change in the midst of brutal attacks from my own state government. I want to be articulate about why I’m so upset, but I can’t even find the words. The inevitability of it. The way I felt so represented, and so part of something, with Lexa. That of course Lexa would die, of course it would be the strong warrior in a masculine role, of course it would be the specific character that most represents me of any character I’ve recently seen on TV. I’m so upset, beyond a screaming and crying sort of upset. I’m just in a resignation that of course this is what happened. This is what always happens, this is how it always goes, these seemingly little but impossibly huge and impossible-to-explain blows are something I have to deal with at random in every aspect of my daily life, in the “safest” of places.

    Anyway, from reading this I know this is all familiar to you. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this piece, especially from someone who’s a little older than me and has also been through many of the same things I have.

    • EB

      March 17, 2016 at 1:39 pm

      Thanks for getting in touch and for sharing your experience. I think many of us can relate to it. I hope this post helped you work through some of it. You might read my next post. It’s more positive. It might help too.

  67. I’ve really enjoyed reading your essays (this, Someday. Maybe., and the article about Riot Grrls) regarding the furor over episode 3×07 of The 100. Your response has been so close to my own and it has been reassuring to know that I am not the only one so deeply affected by Lexa’s loss. I’m on Tumblr and Twitter too, but I’m also in my 40s and I thought I was the only “Older than the average Tumblr lesbian” to be addicted to the show. I know that I too often get overly invested in fictional lesbians, and because my life is not quite what I had hoped it would be, I pretty much attempt to live vicariously through fictional lesbians trying to find love and a happy ending. I hadn’t even realized how deeply invested in Lexa I was until she was gone.
    I feel so much empathy for the queer teens watching the show because I remember my own suicide attempts at 15 and 16, when there was no LGBT representation on TV and I was just despairing over the homophobia over my parents and friends. To have a TV show dangle representation in front of me, make all sorts of promises and guarantees that I would represented and respected, and then have it destroyed in such a cruel fashion, would have ruined me.
    I wasn’t expecting to be so distraught over Lexa’s death but I’ve been devastated by it. I have been weeping every day for two weeks and just feel so incredibly hopeless. I don’t know when I will escape this sorrow because it feels like we have been set back by 15 years, and returned to Xena’s death and the murder of Tara. I feel like it reinforces the feeling that straight people absolutely hate us. That they want us dead and never will allow us to have a happy ending if they have anything to do with it.
    I have spent the last two weeks reliving all the homophobia I had thought I had forgotten, from my parents’ awful reaction when I came out, to threats of violence from strangers when I kissed my girlfriend in public. I spent years of activism with Queer Nation and the Lesbian Avengers (very much inspired by the Riot Grrl movement) in the 90s and then with Mass Equality fighting for Gay Marriage rights in the 2000s, and all the vitriol and hate that I’ve heard shouted at me seems to be subtly expressed in the Dead Lesbian Trope.
    Lexa was killed so cruelly and carelessly, stripped of agency as an insult to her power as Heda, and punished for her love for Clarke. No matter what the writers say about their intent, it is impossible as a lesbian fan, who spent 6 years studying the subtext in Xena, to not be able to read the subtextual message they are sending queer audiences in Lexa’s death.
    I am also inspired by what the young queer fans have done in inventing Elyza Lex, and in all the Twitter campaigns and fundraising for the Trevor Project. I’ve tried to do my share to be involved in this Queervolution, and believe it may be the start of something new in LGBT representation. But it still hasn’t brought me peace. I don’t know when I will stop grieving and how I will find hope again. And I can’t believe all of this sorrow is really from the death of a fictional character. I just wish Jason R and The CW knew how deeply they have hurt people, how much they’ve taken from us.

    • EB

      March 22, 2016 at 4:42 pm

      Sadly, the young lady who coined Queervolution has since deleted from tumblr and is not to be found on any social media. She was harrassed online for her views. I am really upset by this.

      This is real grief you’re experiencing. It’s every bit as real as losing an actual loved one, neurochemically speaking. Please read some of the other comments here and you’ll know you’re not alone.

      Unfortunately, JRoth fundamentally does not get what he has done, and I don’t know that he ever will, based on the ridiculous interview of him published a day or two. A number of media outlets are asskissing him and, rhetorically, attempting to discount our movement as “hysterical” (coded female, in other words) which is why we can’t stop.

      I really sympathize with your grief and feel it too. Still. It was so much more than a character that has been snatched away from us.

      • I’m not entirely sure that was the person to coin Queervolution – it was her username, but by the time she used it as her url it was already a widespread term. As for harrassment – that wasn’t the case. She was sending anonymous hate to another blog. The person who owned that blog blocked the anonymous person, and then .queervolution’ turned out to be the ip user that was blocked. This came out and that caused her to delete, in embarassment I believe – rather than harrassment, just.. wanted to add that, this is how I saw it happening on my dash.
        It’s a shame there is so much strife among people that are part of this movement. Sometimes it gets really ugly on Tumblr, even among the letters of LGBT, they discuss who is most affected, like oppression is a race. It’s a bit disheartening at times, but I sit back and read this article, and it reminds me why we need to keep going with this fight. Thank you for writing it once again.

        • EB

          March 23, 2016 at 11:19 am

          Thanks. I did not know any of the details and would not purposely mix them up. I followed her but somehow missed the whole thing. My knowledge after the fact was hearsay. Regardless of the details, I wish people would fight the real enemy: a homophobic culture.

  68. And I also wanted to say that I really like how your article brought up “walking a mile in your shoes” and you mentioned all of the homophobia you’ve personally faced. I think that’s the other thing that has messed me up so badly about Lexa’s death. Ever since 3X07 aired I’ve been overwhelmed by a barrage of memories of the homophobia I’ve faced in life. I think because Titus was coded as a father figure that I’ve been feeling something like homophobia PTSD & having flashbacks to the time when I first came out to my parents. They’re conservative Christians so they didn’t handle it at all well. My dad sent me to a shrink and once chased my girlfriend out of the house when they found her in my room after returning home early from a vacation, and then they kicked me out of the house. It’s been over 25 years and isn’t something I usually think about, but since “Thirteen” the memories came flooding back, even though my father and I get along now. I’ve watched a lot of gay film & TV, things where gay characters are explicitly gay bashed or rejected by their family, and I’ve never had this sense of trauma from it. I don’t know if it’s because in The 100 they were treating homophobia metaphorically, and I got my MA in English Lit so that appeals to me much more strongly than an explicit message, or if it’s because I know that if I’m watching a gay coming out story that there’s likely to be homophobia in it, and I have my guard up against it. Maybe that’s the greatest act of cruelty that Jason committed, he got us to drop our guard. I trusted that he would keep his promises and I let Clarke and Lexa into my heart, with no walls up. I wasn’t expecting to be betrayed and was open and so vulnerable when Lexa died. And now that seems to be the most homophobic experience I’ve ever had, because everyone else was pretty clear and up front about their homophobia. Jason pretended to be my ally and friend.

    • EB

      March 22, 2016 at 4:35 pm

      I think you really hit the nail on the head perfectly. The sense of betrayal is so strong because, indeed, he got us to drop our guard. The vulnerability is not just the already inherent vulnerability we feel as LGBTs in this society, but the very specific vulnerability that he created and then exploited. He fundamentally does not get it. I’m really dismayed by how deep this goes. Soooo many people, also adults with stable productive lives, have reported similar things to me. It’s just unprecedented. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I relate to them very strongly.

  69. Thank you for this article! It’s been just over two weeks and I have to admit, I’m still feeling the sadness. I’ve never, in my teen or my adult life (and I’m well into my adult years) had a fictional character’s death affect me as Lexa’s has. I’ve never found myself quite as attached to a fictional character as I was to Lexa. While the writers shoulder some credit for that, the biggest part of it goes to ADC herself. She gave this character so much depth, vulnerability, strength, courage, complexity, etc, etc, etc. ADC is a brilliant young actress and I predict HUGE things for her. She has even said Lexa is and has been her most favorite character to date. Something tells me, no matter how many characters she goes on to play, this one will always hold a special place in her heart, just as it will ours.

    The writers can only take so much of the blame for this episode. To me, Javier Grillo-Marxuach wrote a tremendous episode. It was a beautiful, amazing, perfect love scene and I have to give credit to both ADC and Eliza Taylor in that scene. They were absolutely amazing. Even more so knowing the tears shed by Lexa in that scene weren’t scripted. That was all ADC and her full immersion into this character. The death scene, despite the actions that led us to it, was also a tragically beautiful moment where you can truly see the love between these two characters, not to mention the incredible chemistry between the actresses. But, Javier could only work with the outline he was given and the approval, the so called “vision” that was all Jason Rothenberg. Two weeks later and he still has not addressed the hurt he has caused the fandom, the pain we’re all suffering from the loss of Lexa. Instead he’s remained mum aside from a few interviews just after the episode. He hears the anger, the outcry, the pain, but he chooses to ignore it. He chooses to pretend it isn’t there in hopes that it will go away, that we will be silenced and that if it isn’t addressed, we’ll let it go and forget it. But that isn’t happening. His silence only makes our voices louder. We want our cries heard. We want a change made. In the words of Twisted Sister, we’re not going to take it, anymore.

    • EB

      March 22, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      He attempted to address the hurt yesterday, but he just made it worse. He said he was “sensitive” about the accusation of queerbaiting, but then literally two paragraphs later he queerbaits readers with mentions of 3×16. He also claims it wasn’t the trope, but I’ve said it before and will again: If it looks and acts like the Trope, it’s the Trope. Claiming “it wasn’t the trope because I say it’s not” is the most insidious claim to privilege he could possibly make. Also anyone who prefaces any statement with, “As a straight white male,…” brace yourself for homophobia and probably racism, because that’s what you’re about to hear / read.

  70. You said it all Elizabeth. Maybe you could indicate your favorites fan fictions about Clexa for our break hearts?

    • EB

      March 22, 2016 at 4:29 pm

      The one to which I specifically refer here is “this heart, fossilized..” etc. by chrmdpoet on ao3. It is the Cadillac of all Clexa fan fictions.

  71. Hi everyone

    I don’t know if reading this gives me consolation nor hope. I’ve felt the same way and you express that perfectly.
    I’ve been struggling since almost twenty days now with mixed feelings and thoughts about the show, the end of my favorite character (and what an emblematic character!) in a show i loved to watch because it was sf, lgbt friendly and with female lead.
    I’m a queer adult with a lover, a life, a job, a family and i’m drawning into that toxic mess since the episode 7 aired.
    I’m mourning the death of a fictionnal character , i’m aware of that, and I’ve never been so affected since i was a teen.
    I’ve thought about that almost every day, but this week end i’ve come to think i was over it then i saw ADC and new stuff on internet and i dive immediately into that toxic stuff again.

    You ve perfectly shown the phases : interest, hopes, expectations, a some queerbaiting, some reassurance, a long wait and an evolution between the two characters that was going better and better. Both actresses were excellent, the Gounders story was very intereresting and Lexa was Lexa. ..
    The best sf queer character ever ? perfectly embodied by ADC and one of the best romance i’ve seen onscreen with a great chemistry so i’ve jumped into it totally, naively, stupidely. As you say i’ve thought this is it, they got it, it’s finally become normal to have two main queer female characters in love in a tvshow!
    And then we’ve been dragged from paradise to hell in 5 minutes. Acme and fall . Astonishement, devastation, and cries…
    Even the best gay sf character ever, a powerfull and wise female leader, a brave and fierceless warrior, an honorable person , a magnifiscent lady, can die of a stray bullet in 1 second…
    Gay sex = death, gay love is worthless, gay life is priceless.!
    This has always been the lesson they still trying to teach us, even if they are not aware of that…
    Or are we being too fragile or too emotionnal, are we overeacting?
    I can’t help questioning everything since this moment, why that violent reaction, why being so traumatized, am i wrong with all these emotions ? What did this death mean for me, for us ? Did they do it on purpose ? Or was that just a bad timing, bad circomstances ? Could it be just prosaic reasons ? Do we have to fight back, is it worth ?What is the point to have a great character, a great arc then blow it ? Why luring people and ruining everything ?
    Sometimes I don’t really know anymore, trying to adopt and think about both points of views… to find a meaning in all of that…
    I’ve been on french web sites, a very few were talking about that, i’ve tried to explain things about the lack of lgbt representation, the iconic character, the symbolic beyond it , the Hays code, etc. and of course people answers were : “stop whining” ‘its fiction” “stop playing the victim card” “stop overreacting” bref, stop being “hysterical dykes”…
    The only person who get that was my straight daughter. Even my wife was like “why that mess for a tv show?”

    Of course there were overreactions, negative things were done but that was minor. Of course there are many shows where characters get killed easily. And people don’t ever react or they sometimes do, like in TWD or GoT : Ned or John deaths for example. But if i cry for Ned and John, i didn’t feel my hopes were destroyed, i did’nt feel devastated, empty nor betrayed, i didn’t felt questioned myself for what i feel and what i am.

    But this night, I’ve come to feel lexa was not the only one receiving a stray bullet, i think somehow in a symbolic way, we all have been shot and now we are trying to process it and to recover.
    Hugs from France

    • EB

      March 22, 2016 at 4:28 pm

      You are not wrong to have these emotions. I have talked to soooo many people with the same reaction. It’s what you describe: the singular, powerful nature of Lexa as a character, combined with the calculated queerbaiting and raised hopes, and the utter, complete distressing nature of the actual death and its context. Neurologically, your brain – at a chemical level – does not know the difference between a character death and a real death in this case. Your reaction is 100% natural. Don’t feel you are overreacting. The Hollywood press (most of us) wants you to feel that you overreacted. This is calculated as well. I’ll be addressing that in another post soon.

  72. Damn you girl. You made me cry and I’m not even a woman. Well done. Better day will come, I’m sure of it.

    • EB

      March 23, 2016 at 1:12 pm

      Crying is for everybody who has human emotions. There is no reason to relegate it to one sex or the other. Glad I touched your heart.

  73. I’m a writer and producer. I’m also bisexual and have been out with it since I was in elementary school and knew I liked “boys too”. For me, this has led to some of the particularly unique and fun life experiences bisexuals face, like most people you’re romantically involved with being unable to trust you, men dismissing you as a “faggot in denial”, women dismissing you as a someone who “can’t make up your mind” (especially fun when that kind of attitude comes from fellow LGBTQ people, who should in theory know better), and those are just some of the things that aren’t abjectly cruel and hatefully vitriolic. The depression has been real. The thoughts of suicide at times has been real. The feeling of being very alone in a very cold world as a result has been real. Not exactly sunshine and roses. As you know.

    The 100 lied to its fans. This much is clear. It misled. It made promises it knew it wasn’t keeping. On this, we agree fully.

    With all that being said, I don’t agree with the loudest of fans on this issue. Yes, the dead lesbian trope is a thing. In response, I’ve seen an overwhelming number of fans, in so many words, demanding a new trope to stop this. A trope of the invulnerable queer. A message that’s come across loud and clear from many: we want representative characters, but you can’t ever do this, this, this, this, or this to them because it will trigger us. If the exact same kinds of dramatic choices are made for any other character, not an eye is batted. But, if those choices are made for an LGBTQ character, it’s offensive and a trigger.

    As an LGBTQ writer, I soundly reject this and can never be convinced to support it.

    The dead lesbian trope is a thing. It shouldn’t be a thing. Stronger, more thoughtful dramatic choices should be made to combat that trope. Tropes are what they are because they’re easy to fall into — they become convenient choices. Creators need to try harder. On this, we’re in full agreement.

    But if Lexa was killed off in ANY way — literally any single way — I would bet real money that the reaction would be just as loud and distressing. So many people have said as much, whether or not they realized it. Simply by existing, Lexa created an expectation of “if anything happens to her, it’s a problem”. And that in itself is a problem.

    I will continue to create characters that are representative of myself and others in the LGBTQ community. I will also continue to create the most compelling, dramatic and meaningful stories, themes and situations around those characters. Some of them will live. Some of them will die. Some of them will be happy. Some of them will be sad. There will be comedy and tragedy, as with all things in life, and I will not apologize for it. But, as all creators should, I will try to do right by every character I write, every choice I make, and every story I tell.

    • EB

      March 28, 2016 at 3:29 pm

      I agree with you that the “invlunerable queer” is not the answer. And I also agree that the response would’ve been similar with Lexa regardless of when / how she died. However, that is the case because statistically speaking (and there have been numbers to prove this researched in other people’s articles in the last week or two) queer women are killed in disproportionate numbers, and they *never* get the lead relationship treatment. Lexa was the best hope for that, and that hope was stoked by the show runner, et al, and then it was blatantly dashed. Yes, fans would’ve reacted this way no matter what. It’s the larger context. Not just lexa. And yes, bi people have their own burdens. I feel for your situation. I have never understood the weird stance coming from some folks in the GL community regarding the B portion. But it’s even worse for the T community. It’s like a zero sum game of “someone else kicked us, so we’re gonna kick you.” Like wtf?

    • Hi Brian,

      being a writer myself I wholeheartledly agree with the notion of artistic freedom. If it serves or elevates the story I completely agree that it should be a valid option to kill any character no matter what sexual orientation he/she has.
      I do also agree that there would have been an as much noise about Lexa’s death had it happened at any other time in the story. The thing is that her death is not what the whole discussion is about. It’s not about killing her or the distateful way/timing of her death, but completely about the fact that we have been told that IT WOULDN’T HAPPEN THIS TIME (excuse my caps lock).
      I can only speak for myself, but I am a 39 year old, married woman (married to a bisexual woman, by the way) and even if I knew better (because I tried to remember the times that I saw myself represented in a well-written, three-dimensional character that didn’t end in tragedy and I came up pretty empty) I fell for all the talk about how this was a progessive show and how the writers knew what they were doing. They hyped Lexa so much that I fell for it.
      I remember telling a friend that I was sure they were going to kill her off in season 3, but when they started to basically make her the second lead (because come on, that’s what she was) and after seeing the spoilers from the finale I trusted them.
      This was a character that was so different from all the others. I wanted her to live. Just this once. And then they gave me the best episode of the whole mess that had been season 3 so far and killed her and it floored me.
      I don’t cry. I hardly ever cry at funerals, but this death had me sobbing and not in a good way. It had me sobbing, because I felt so disappointed and angry, because I trusted the writers and especially Jason Rothenberg and they let me down … again.
      I don’t need every LGTBQ character to ride into the sunset on a white horse. It would just be nice to have it once in a while. And if you plan to kill the lesbian, don’t tell people that you won’t. That would be fair play.
      Hell, I am even writing on something right now that will have at least one lesbian dead at the end of every episode and I bet you real money that no one will be upset. If you’re a producer and interested, let me know. 😉 Because I live in Germany and this is definitely nothing for Germany TV (which is basically crap).

  74. Thank you so much for writing this. And for taking the time to respond to all of the comments. I haven’t been watching the 100, but I’ve been watching the fandom on tumblr and my heart is broken, too.

    And yeah. Even as an “official adult” (30???) and as a lesbian in an amazing relationship, I still deal with the sharp, ongoing hurt that rejection – from our families, our (former) churches, and our society – causes.

    (I say this to myself as much as to you and everyone else out there) — eat some fruit, drink some water, go to bed. Go for a walk, touch a tree, snuggle something furry. I’m glad we have such a strong and supportive community…

    all the love,

    • EB

      March 28, 2016 at 3:24 pm

      Thanks so much for your response. I wrote this post about 3 weeks ago, and things are going a lot better. I did all the self care things for about a week, and things got better, though my sleep was still off. I went to a meditation retreat this past weekend and it normalized my sleep schedule, plus the meditation, so I’m doing way better. Thanks for the suggestions. All these things help for sure. And thanks for your kind words about my post.

  75. I’m 15. When Clarke and Lexa first shared a kiss I came out to my mom as bi. For the first time here I was being shown two women tenderly in love – one of whom was confirmed later to be bisexual. My mother told me she supported me but that if I came out it would negatively impact my future and make me a target. She scared me into silence. And then Lexa betrayed Clarke and I lost hope. Skip forwards a little and teasers for Season 3 emerge. Could this be a clexa reunion? Could there be hope for them and representation? It seemed that way. Indeed Jason painted a picture of a future for Clarke and Lexa. So I watched the episodes as they came out and paid witness to the incredible chemistry being acted out by the two sublime (aussie no less) actresses and I felt hope. I was walking on air. My friends were talking about it too and I considered coming out, they definitely seemed supportive. And then 3×07 happened and that all fell to shit.

    I have never anticipated an episode to air more so than “Thirteen”. And when Lexa almost said ‘I love you’ I squealed. The sex scene was not pandered towards male audiences and was not overly sexual or graphic. It was innocent, gentle, and tender while at the same time being passionate. I knew ACD had a conflicting schedule, but Jason was continually assuring our whole community – which I was beginning to feel a part of – that she was to be a part of the finale. Never in my entire life have a felt such physical and emotional pain from a single moment of TV than when that stray bullet so carelessly (and classically as I would later discover) found its way into Lexa’s stomach. I had hope of a recovery aided by Clarke. After all she had saved Jasper from a spear, Finn from a poisoned blade, and no doubt had the expertise to save our Heda. Yet… my beautiful, complex character was reduced to a sex scene and speedy death caused by a mistake.

    I sat there in silent tears for several minutes. My heart thumping throughout my entire body. I am still not over the death of Lexa and the weak attempts the people involved have made to cover their asses. I don’t know if I ever will be because to me Lexa was more than just a television show character. I have three more years of high school to survive, and I fear the world I will then be thrown into.

    Hopefully for my 18th birthday someone will gift me a bullet-proof vest.

    • EB

      March 30, 2016 at 3:24 pm

      Hello my young friend. Thanks for sharing this with us. The experience you describe is very similar to mine, even though I am old enough to be your mom. It gave all of us a lot of hope.

      However, I hope you have been keeping up with my more recent blogposts on here, at least the next one after this one, and that you’ve been keeping up with developments in the fandom. We have raised a lot of money for Trevor Project, a charity for LGBT youth, and word is getting out about t100, and one major advertiser has already bailed on the show, with others sure to follow.

      I am feeling lots better. My sleep is finally back to normal, and I’m back to my normal level of optimism. I hope you know that in real life we do get happy endings. I am about to marry my dream girl / sweetheart / soul mate, and no shitty media representation can take that away. But it’s time the media catch up with the actual reality of LGBT life – it’s not only tragedy. Sounds like you have supportive people in your life and that you will be okay ultimately. High school sucks, no way around that (for everybody, honestly) but you will make it and the world beyond hs has a lot to offer.

      We’ve lost Lexa but we haven’t lost the fight. This is truly a historic moment in media representation, and we won’t let it pass without making our voices heard. Take care, young friend!

    • EB

      March 30, 2016 at 3:25 pm

      Also may I add that you’re quite an eloquent, fluid writer for 15. Good job!

  76. I am just now reading this. Don’t know how I missed it because I’ve read your other excellent blog posts/articles since 307. Anyways, this made me tear up. It’s been what..6 weeks? And it still has me feeling more feelings than I thought it would. Thank you for putting these words out here for all of us, articulating what some of us feel but don’t have the words or energy to type up. Thank you sincerely.

    • EB

      April 25, 2016 at 12:01 pm

      I still feel it too. Luckily the initial depression I felt (compounded by a back injury and having to be at home on the couch for a week) was luckily very short. What I’m left with, though, is a remaining sadness at the loss of such an epic character. Theirs was really a love story for the ages – beyond any consideration of sexual orientation – and it saddens me that it was cut short so cheaply.

  77. Michael Jamieson

    April 21, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    Hi Elizabeth,
    Thank you for a great article.. and heart-wrenching reveal of your life’s troubles. Reading it has been a life changing event for me and has totally transformed my perspective of Lesbian Women. I hope my contribution and analysis may be of some comfort to you and others in the Gay/Lesbian community. This is not an attempt to defend CW or Jason. Their incompetence is total and they are really not fit to handle such sensitive issues without strict professional psychological supervision.

    I am a 65 year old heterosexual male. The love scene between Clarke and Lexa moves me to tears on every occasion I watch it, and I watch it constantly. If nothing else, CW produced a truly wondrous work of cinematic art here that will never be equalled.

    Like most of the LGBTQ community and probably Hetero too, I was shocked and dismayed by the total shabbiness and amateurish dispatch of Lexa from the story. As a writer myself, I can tell it reeks of haste and perhaps a sense of panic. I agree with most commentators, Alica’s conflict of schedules could have been overcome.

    However, this is not as straight forward as it seems. And, on the face of it, although it may seem to be a lesbian bashing exercise, I do not think it is. If so, they would not have had Clarke engaging again in such a relationship with another character early in S3. They would have steered her back to a male again. Did CW exploit the LGBTQ (and hetero) community for the sake of ratings? Certainly! But they are now paying the price.

    But Lexa was not killed for homophobic reasons.

    The basic truth is this. Alicia’s character, Lexa was beginning to eclipse Elizah’s Clarke. She was becoming increasingly more loved and popular. What was the reason for this?

    The reason is simple. Anyone who has studied writing will have also studied archetypes and their psychological significance. CW had in fact created a powerful archetype in Lexa. A warrior princess with the same qualities of historical figures such as Boadicea and Joan of Arc. There are other, but we have statues to these two in particular to this day, thousands and hundreds of years after their deaths respectively. Remakes of Joan Of Arc are being made on almost a depressingly regular basis.

    Put this together with the makeup, streaky mascara enhancing the already large eyes and you reinforce this into an even more powerful image that will galvanise at the first sight of it. Clarke, didn’t stand a chance. It didn’t matter if later she donned this makeup too. Lexa had captured us mind and soul, in a way Clarke’s character never quite convincingly accomplished. So, what of the previous commander, why didn’t she have the same effect?

    Ah, this is where it becomes more interesting and complex. Even though you may think so, Clarke is not so dualistic or as complex in nature. Neither was the first commander. Both were ‘TOPS’.

    It becomes clearer throughout Season two that Lexa is a BOTTOM. Despite the fact she can fight and kill without any emotion, betray an alliance for her own people’s needs, her vulnerability with respect to another woman she finds attractive is laid bare with almost effortless ease. This dualistic nature becomes intoxicatingly intriguing. This is how she stole the show, for hetero men and gay/bi women alike

    The other reason may cause contention. Basically, Alicia’s range of expression in her acting as Lexa is far more expansive than Elizah’s, at least as far as Clarke’s character is concerned. This is not a comparison of acting skills, but more of Directorial requirements.

    However, if you are watching the first Season of ‘Fear the Walking Dead’ Alicia’s character is far from engaging and is totally uninspiring, unless at some future point she learns to fight and dons warpaint. Which reinforces my previous point.

    Alicia/Lexa’s range of facial expression during the love scene in Episode 7 totally outshone her lover’s. The point at which she was sat on the bed looking up at Clarke with those big eyes and parted mouth in a total expression of love, consent and submission in comparison to Clarke’s almost steely masculine look said it all. Alicia/Lexa had captured the production of CW’s The 100… completely. And, like Joan Of Arc it became unbearable for her to even exist either in a cell or a convent or in the story of The 100, banished as some fans would have preferred. She had to ‘Go To The Stake’ and her body totally destroyed, even to the point of having her ‘Spirit’ cut from her body as Joan’s ashes were scattered beyond reach.

    So, the studio saw what was happening. It is totally unacceptable for a guest star to eclipse the Main Permanent Protagonist She had to go. But not for the reasons many think.

    So, where do we go from here?

    Jason is now locked in, as far as Clarke’s character is concerned. If Clarke re-bonds with Bellamy, as many would like, or anyone else further down the road, then Clarke’s love for Lexa, her parting words on her death bed would become empty and faithless. The audience would see her as such and fail to trust her. Her character and future role and the continuing story would FAIL!

    This is why either Lexa has to be returned or the Season will end at the conclusion of Season 4 (if they are lucky).

    My guess is, Clarke will continue to fight the battles to the end and deliver her people and unite the Clans but will remain chaste. She has to.

    But, like Moses who was forbidden to enter the Holy land and, like Frodo Baggins whose wounds were too deep she will travel wearily to the Grey Havens and board the Ship to the Isles of the West and into Legend, together with Lexa who (through whatever plot machinations Jason can imagine) will be there at the very end when she cannot do any further damage to the show and where Clarke and Her Love can be fully and permanently consummated in such a way that the LGBTQ community may and I stress MAY be overjoyed and satisfied.

    So, here we have a typical example of Dr. Frankenstein (CW) creating a Monster (Lexa) that they couldn’t control. They didn’t know what the hell to do. They panicked and killed her quickly and then got embroiled in the ‘dead Lesbian’ dispute which they were completely unprepared for as that was not their reason, hence the panic on the social networks and conflicting interviews. They could hardly admit that they thought Lexa was taking over the show could they?

    So, this is why they are totally screwed. The 100 will be lucky to see the completion of Season 4 and there certainly will not be a Season 5, unless Lexa plays a dominant part at the expense of Clarke.

    Do not be surprised if Lexa appears in her own future independent show and goes the whole way to provide the LGBTQ community with everything they ever dreamed of and go where Xena only aspired to.

    Thank you for reading.

    I truly hope you will find solace in the months to come and get over this awful mess that CW has precipitated.

    • EB

      April 25, 2016 at 11:59 am

      I have to say I really like your analysis. I think much of what you say here is spot-on. I agree about Lexa as a perfect archetype and utterly iconographic. Apparently they didn’t realize what they were doing in creating a character and a love so epic? I don’t know. But I agree with everything you’ve said here. Especially about the love scene. It couldn’t have been played more perfectly.

  78. Michael Jamieson

    April 21, 2016 at 6:35 pm

    Hi Again Elizabeth,

    just a short addition…..

    Do not be in any doubt of CW’s perception and appreciation of Alicia Debnam-Cary’s future potential as a gold plated asset playing Lexa again in the future. Even if this means the death of Clarke and The 100 continuing on with Lexa as the main character or as the main character in her own story. Do not be surprised if they realise that Alicia and her Lexa character is Feature cinema material, that with the right writer and director could eclipse even the Bond franchise.

    If CW were uneasy with the Lesbian issue, the love scene would not have taken place, simply for the reasons you are accusing them of. If they had brought it forward, Clarke’s character would have failed, hence the long delay between romantic encounters. And for reasons I have given, Lexa was removed to preserve Clarke’s position as main protagonist.

    The LGBT’ day is coming. A line has been crossed and it can only get better. CW will exploit this as soon as they can because if they don’t, they know someone else will. This issue has caused worldwide outcry and that outcry means… money in the eyes of a producer.

    Sit tight.

    • EB

      April 25, 2016 at 11:26 am

      I am definitely not going to “sit tight.” What they did was wrong, and everyone should know it and know why. As for “the lesbian issue,” I do not appreciate being referred to as an “issue.” That’s the whole problem. Showrunners claiming sexuality is “not an issue” but then making it one by specifically targeting queer characters.

      • Hey Hey, lets not fall out over the use of nouns. My understanding of issue is “important concern”.

        and remember… I have said I am on your side.

        I am totally amazed that you actually TRUSTED the entertainment industry to deliver. Although not in the industry, I have worked with a lot who are. I find the majority of them full of their own self-importance, insincere, and many who are totally incompetent at being good normal human beings, unless their reputation IN the industry is in jeopardy. They are narcissic and two faced.

        They have their own world and its not ours.

        Take Jonny Depp who recently took his dogs into Australia in his private jet contravening the import of animals against rabies. They think the world’s rules do not apply to them. He managed to get away with that, not as much as a fine as far as I can see. He made an apology. Pffft

        Take Benedict Cumberbatch who thought because he is an actor he had a right to make a personal and immediate appointment with the UK Prime Minister to discuss the Syrian Refugee crisis. Thats the other example.

        Who is Jason Rothenburg? Well as far as TV/Cinema is concerned nobody. His Filmography/CV is hardly extensive. This reinforces a previous reply I made that people like him are incompetent and should not be trusted with sensitive social situations without strict professional supervision of psychologists. He has no experience of running highly explosive material. His response and surprise at the outrage was either a lie or a symptom of this inexperience.

        Did he deliver? well, yes, in a way. No in another.

        Did he go out on a limb and the financial backers lost their nerve? Who knows?

        Did, As I suggested, Season 2 become the ‘Lexa Show’ ?

        Isn’t it strange the ratings started to rise rapidly on her appearance and the chemistry flask began to bubble and go blue? Even Rotten Tomatoes generous score of 72% for season 1 rose to a full 100% at the same time? We will examine the reasons for this later.

        Rothenburg did however produce one of the most stunning, moving and romantically perfect Lesbian Love Scenes ever seen on TV. If he achieves nothing else in his life at least he has Clexa as his legacy.

        I have searched for others on TV (other than perhaps ‘maybe’ FINGERSMITH) as good without success.

        Did he care about you? No. He stretched out the wait for Too long gave you 2 minutes of intimacy then killed her (as he was probably told to do by the financial backers). He is an asshole. Why did you trust him?

        Don’t expect support from the cast either.

        The actress Eliza Taylor? Well, just watch one of her interviews at a convention. The bored monotonous replies to questions, evading eye contact with questioner and camera looking all around in absolute boredom, flicking her hair extensions in the typical most irritating self absorbed fashion. That girl is so up her own asshole she can see the feet of her most ardent fans and making only one coherent point that her and ADC didn’t rehearse the love scene beforehand they just got on with it? “I’m not gay I’m not gay, me and Alycia are just good mates” why is she bored? because she is not probably being paid for being there.

        ADC? We do not see much of her on camera discussing Clexa other than a couple of tweets saying what a privilege it was to portray Lexa blah blah and lets move on now and please dont boycott the dhow and PLEASE watch FTWD.

        No help here from these two…

        You can tell I am emotive about the entertainment industry, that is a story for another time.

        When I watch a film, I TRY to avoid thinking about the actor just the character, i try to avoid watching interviews unless it is essential to find more information. I am not a actor watcher and I vomit if I have to watch the BAFTAs or the OSCARS.

        Unless it furthers their career or makes them money they have no interest in your best interests. Do not trust them.

        Rant over.

        Now, do you think the GBL community are the only ones deeply affected by this?

        It is estimated 99% of men like to see Lesbian love scenes. (Leave it there!)

        It is also estimated by Huffington Post

        that 1/3 women visit porn sites.
        It has been established that 90% of them find erotic satisfaction watching lesbian lovemaking and are straight. I found that amazing.

        Cosmopolitan did there own study with similar results:

        So, isn’t it conceivable that they too feel betrayed, let down and deeply emotionally affected by the resolution of Clarke and Lexa?

        I certainly do, and I am a straight guy but it would appear 9/10 men would agree with me.

        At least 90% of the straight women would probably agree.

        And this is WHY the ratings rose for Season 2. No other reason, the plot direction was still the roughly the same.. survival, nothing else. It was Clexa.

        LEXA/CLEXA fulfilled everyone’s hopes and aspirations.

        My point is this, you are not so much in the minority as you may think. Everyone was basking in the wonderful ‘foreplay’ of Clexa’s developing romance.

        We may all know a little about the archetypes in drama and how they stem and feed from deep traditional depths of the human psyche.

        One such archetype is Joan Of Arc. For decades in drama and film Joan is revisited and rebooted every few years because of ONE thing. Everyone wants a question answered. And others want the tradition maintained. The question is was she a true mystic, visionary and saint? Or as Milla Jovovich’s version wanted to examine, a bi-polar schizophrenic?

        Does it seem odd that a mini-series was launched almost simultaneously taking the opposite view and upholding her traditional saintly status?

        This is how powerful the archetype Joan of Arc is. The message is “Don’t mess with Joan”
        What Jason and Crew did when they created Lexa was in fact tap into this powerful archetypal psychological energy without realizing the danger they were in. And the danger they eere putting their intended audience in.

        In all truth…

        They created Joan Of Arc with Warpaint
        They blended her with a large dose of Boadicea on steroids.
        Unlike these two who were mainly figureheads they made Lexa a badass warrior and a totally ruthless killer.
        They had her as a lesbian and, not satisfied with that….
        Instead of her being a TOP as most would expect…
        They made her a total BOTTOM.

        For God’s Sake!

        This just illustrates Jason and his writers total lack of insight, knowledge of human dynamic and lack of ability to think out of the box. This ‘monster’ was growing inside its tank and threatening the main arc itself. Everybody just wanted Clexa.

        Just to add to Jason’s stress, he had allocated a guest actress to the role. And even then with the fandom loud and clear for months beforehand he was incapable of plotting Lexa out of the story without killing her.

        The only other way out was to place a close look alike actress in the tole. Its been done before in Harry Potters’s Dumbledore when the first actor died. They had to improvise with Oliver Reed in Gladiator when he died during final end of filming.

        Jason just panicked and knee-jerked and just showed what a third rate producer he really is when the chips are down.

        His only excuses are, “well nobody is safe in the 100” and “Well we are learning from this” somebody being paid as much as him should not be learning on the job.

        So, Clexa belonged to ALL of us. Clexa is not the sole possession of Lesbians she belongs to us so-called straights also because by definition above it would appear 95% of all viewers wanted Lexa and Clarke to consummate their love and live happily ever after.

        And, if this is so, it would imply that times may have changed more than you think, Elizabeth, since you suffered all those horrors of your earlier life. Maybe 95% of the population want YOU and the rest of the GBLT community to be happy?

        I cannot see what can be done by any of us other than sit it out and wait. Jason must be a worried man if his decision has caused injury and death. The ratings are already falling and he has got to pull something out of the bag soon to keep it onboard. This could end his career.

        I still adamantly believe that a corner has been turned, a line has been crossed and that the GBLT community will get what they want very soon. Other Program makers are watching very carefully and will capitalize on Jason’s mistakes. I understand he (and Warner?) currently hold the rights to Kass Morgans work? They do not last forever.

        Jason has learned:

        This is how powerful the archetype Lexa is. The message is “Don’t mess with Lexa”


        • I’m sorry, but as a wlw I’m DEEPLY DEEPLY offended you would say people that enjoy lesbian porn have the same feelings when it comes to the end of Clexa and the Dead Lesbian Syndrome as people in the LGBT community.
          You sir, need a reality check. People that fetishize our love, like a large amount of people that watch lesbian porn are NOT allies. Just the fact that they enjoy seeing two women make love does not mean in any way that they understand the importance of a non-sexualized romance, the way Clarke’s and Lexa’s was.

          The level of ignorance you’re displaying is astounding.

          • EB

            May 8, 2016 at 9:48 pm

            Yeah I am gonna have to agree with this. “Lesbian” porn isn’t even lesbian anyway. It’s males’ idea of what “lesbians” are like. NONE of us have those gawdawful fingernails. That’s for sure. I actually appreciate that they didn’t make Lexa and Clarke chaste and cute, but at the same time, that scene was incredibly tasteful and definitely not pornographic.

      • Yes Brin Barbosa is my Nom De Plume.

        I am leaving this Clexa thing behind now as I cannot see any solution other thsn mourn.

        Take care and good luck.

      • I’ve found these explanations very enlightening, thanks a lot. Since the 3rd of March, i’ve search for things which could have explained :
        1/ the extreme fascination-attraction for the Lexa character
        2/ a meaning for her death
        3/ a meaning for the intense heartbreack-outrage-mess

        So i’ve learned a few things about tropes, about Hays code, or about hollywood industry (actors schedule, marketing, pr move, writer’sroom, showrunner role etc.) but i was missing some big points and i guess i’ve found them here. EB articles are very clear and her point of view is very interesting.
        And M. Jamieson has added key points : archetype of princess commander , rise of the guest star, primary lead endangered , so BOUM HEDA!
        Helas ! it’s still painfull though and it’s such a waste!
        They have been overstepped by the importance of Lexa, very complex, deep and multidimensionnal character with a lot of possibilities. They have freak out because the grounder arc was better and their culture and geopolitic were so much interesting that the scenarios of the main characters.
        So this season, they have destroyed what they have so well created. WTF!
        It’s really too bad because this magnifiscent “monster” as you call Lexa is one of the best queer sf female character since a very very long time on TV. And their too short romance was perfect.
        Since then, i’ve been in fb fangroups, and i often see : if they kill Lagertha , Ragnar or Daenerys we riot . Here this was aggravated by lazy and senseless writing off of lexa character, the trope against lgbt and the queerbaiting. People felt safe and conformtable where they shouldn’t have been so there was an intense feeling of misunderstanding and betrayal.
        It’s too bad they couldn’t handle this better, for the character, the show and for the fandom who has been extatic till the 307 then deeply wounded.
        But Lexa has become totally iconic for a lot of people, principally but not only for queers teens : a bullied straight afro american teen talked in one FBgroup about Lexa as a role model, as a symbol of female power, strength and wisdom and that was heartbroken, told how much she meant for her, how much she misses her and that was so touching).
        So may be some day Lexa will get a future. As we say in french “l’espoir fait vivre”

        Sorry for my english
        Best regards


    I respect your position and realise how hurt you are, but I think it would be best to wait until the end before we jump to conclusions.

    You do realize Lexa is probably NOT really dead, don’t you?

    No, I am not talking about the AI thingy in her neck, That is not Lexa, its an enhancement placed in there only relatively recently after the previous Commander’s death, on Lexa’s ascension. Lexa was Lexa before that happened, she was in a lesbian relationship with someone who died, possibly the previous commander? So the same nature was present before that. So, she does not need the implant to be, just, HER!

    The clues lie in several plot points:

    1. Her young Protege who she told to Titus was ready ‘now’.
    2. Making the boy repeat his promise to protect Clarke’s people to Clarke.
    3. Love Scene ” Maybe someday you and I will owe nothing more to our people” THATS A PLOT PROMISE… TRUST ME! Of a life together.
    4. Lexa knew Titus was right, that the relationship would destroy her authority and bring Chaos to the 12 clans.

    My guess is that the shooting was planned by Lexa under protest from Titus after she made love with Clarke, a pivotal moment. If Clarke had just left immediately there would have been no need.
    She didn’t shield Clarke she seemed to be expecting it. It seemed a little too convenient and contrived. Not so much tacky writing.
    The AI was removed rather too quickly.
    Lexa was carried out rather too quickly also by Titus personally, he seemed in a hurry.

    We never saw her body again it was always covered.
    We never saw her cremated, just the smoke, an assumption

    Why has Lexa done it? Because possibly she has chosen Clarke over being Commander. She loses the AI implant and therefore, “owes nothing more to her people”. The Protege can finish her job. The ultimate act of her true inner submissive nature.

    However, Lexa and Titus miscalculated on Ontari, the ‘Pretender to the Commander’s Throne’ assassinating all the Proteges. Therefore Titus has no option but to entrust the AI implant to Clarke as Flamekeeper to give it Luna.

    At the end of the story, I am 90% confident the physical Lexa will emerge from the shadows and the explanation by her in the form of a flashback showing how she planned, and executed her exit, was revived, spirited away from Polis and eventually healed will be revealed. Its already been filmed, I am sure. I am sure Alycia will be spared by FTWD for one brief last shoot at the end, although that may have already been done to defeat the Set Spotters and rumors.

    Clarke will be told by the AI in the City Of Light where to find the real and now healed physical Lexa.

    Clarke’s mission is accomplished and they ride off together into the sunset as
    a permanent Lesbian Couple.

    Bellamy has already comprehensively rejected Clarke and will either die or become Chancellor at the end. I cannot decide at this point, although I consider him totally untrustworthy and doesn’t deserve to survive although as Chancellor, he may be able to make amends.

    A VR/AI reunion and life eternal in the City Of Light for Clarke and Lexa would not be satisfactory. JASON DON’T GO THERE!

    I have chewed and reviewed all the relevant episodes, the reactions of Jason and crew to the outrage and realized if they had wanted Lexa permanently
    and definitively dead it would have been in battle from a undeniable fatal wound in a place with no help and, in the manner she deserved. Lexa faked her own expiry in front of Clarke before she was whisked away. Maybe she was also drugged?

    Also, Titus was getting the AI storage kit out a little too prematurely for my liking.

    There is no defence by Jason and Crew to what appears to be a tacky scene as Lexa’s death from a stray bullet, no way they can placate the ‘Dead Lesbian Trope’ argument without giving away a terrific ending and possibly the best most satisfying denoument to Clarke and Lexa’s historic and TV groundbreaking Lesbian Relationship that will leave everyone stunned, totally elated and glowing inside.

    If not, THEN you have every excuse to criticise, until then, lets see what happens and watch for clues along the way.

    However, this sort of story-telling and type of plot and social issues is highly risky for long running Mainstream TV series. My thoughts go out to all those deeply affected, who have been harmed mentally, emotionally and physically and especially to their families and deepest sympathies to the families of any people who have lost their lives due to their connection with this story.

    I am NOT connected to this production in ANY way and my opinions are purely personal.

    • EB

      April 25, 2016 at 11:24 am

      We’ll see, I suppose. I, for one, am not holding my breath.

    • Hi!
      The writers of the 100 commented on that and stated that Lexa is in fact dead. Like physically dead. They also stated that the smoke coming from the Polis tower when Clarke gets away with the flame is the smoke from burning Lexa’s body.
      So if they are not intentionally misleading us again – and at this point that would be really stupid – I won’t be holding m breath for the big happy ending.

  80. I can’t read anymore after your comment – ‘I cant believe you trusted the entertainment industry to deliver’.
    Gosh, I actually did believe.
    So, that’s my mistake then.
    Maybe someday..? Or I’m just a young lesbian with hopes of representation that will always be stomped on.

    • EB

      May 19, 2016 at 9:14 am

      They won’t be stomped on forever. We’ll all see to that. This fandom is making a difference.

  81. Hello,

    I read your articles with great interest and think that this one sums up quite well the emotion of the LGBT fandom that baffled most of our straight friends after Lexa’s death. I’d like to publish a French translation of your article on my LiveJournal blog if you will allow it. So far I’ve been posting femslash translations, but I am still angry at that Lexa mess, and I’d really like to share your viewpoint with my French readers. Thank you for answering me!


    • EB

      May 19, 2016 at 8:56 am

      Yes, that would be great. Please send me a link when you’ve finished. You can just put it in your comment reply.

      • Thanks for letting me post a translation! Here is the link to the French version of your article:

        I do hope we will make things change this time!

        PS: I am interested in any good Clexa fanfics you may have come across (as you mentioned in your article): would you give me a few titles?

        • EB

          May 23, 2016 at 1:30 pm

          Thanks, this is fantastic. No one’s ever liked my work enough to translate it 🙂 I feel special.

          Clexa fanfics I especially like: basically all works by chrmdpoet (specifically “This heart fossilized and silent”), “Unsung Heart” by Tabitha Craft, “Hedatu” by Red Hope, and Everything You Are (doctor au) by awriterofthings, whose other works I also enjoy. All at ao3.

          • Hehe, I’m glad I made you happy ^^

            I really appreciate your insight into TV tropes and your article was totally worth a translation!

            Also, thanks for the reading tips 🙂

  82. When me and my mother saw episode 7 and the expected kiss right before the sex scene I started to smile and jump on the bed laughing and smiling and just so happy because I thought it would actually last.. When I looked at my mother she was making a face and muttered gross and that broke me because she knows I’m gay and that I’ve kissed my girlfriend before and it just hurt me but I decided to ignore it. When Clarke started to get shot at by Titus and she threw the chair at him I laughed because I ‘knew’ she would win.. How wrong I was because right after that door opened my face went blank and my heart shattered. There went all my hope. The tears spilt down my face and I was just staring at the screen silent when Clakre said ‘May we meet again’ I knew that was it. I knew I wouldnt be able to watch the 100 anymore. I cried my eyes out after that. I got comments like ‘shes just a tv show character not a real person’ thats not the whole reason why I was crying though. I lost hope for ever being accepted into the world we have to live in. I believed that as long as I had something tho live by and have hope in that I’d be able to get through life. But J Roth decided otherwise and killed that hope. What you said brought tears to my eyes because I was one of the people who cut and attempted suicide because of the death. It hurts to know that I could possibky never be happy. But you know thats just how messed up this world is.

    • EB

      June 11, 2016 at 5:45 pm

      Siera, all I can tell you is that my heart goes out to you. And I felt a huge amount of pain for a good while after 307 aired. But please know this: just because they give us this nonsense in the media does not reflect the full reality of being a gay person. We do get happy endings in real life. Don’t ever doubt that. I did doubt for a long time, and yet here I am about to get married – legally married – to the love of my life. Yes I’ve suffered heartache in the past, but I didn’t give up. And I hope you don’t either. There are good things out there for us, despite what the media shows us. If we take their message to heart, they win. We can’t let that happen. We all deserve better. And things will be better for all of us. I promise you that.

  83. EB, thanks for this forum. I’m late to the party, but needed to say my peace, too.

    So, I’m writing in July because 2 days ago I accidentally found out about Lexa & season 3. I started watching The 100 on Netflix 2 years ago. I am a scifi fan in general, & this was right up my alley. Then 1) the protagonist was a woman (!), 2) the show regularly scored high on the Bechdel Test, 3) the protagonist turned out to be bi and, finally, 4) she’s an all-around ass kicker. So, when Rothenberg made his ridiculous rationalization about forcing audiences to wait for the 3rd season, it was an obvious ploy to jack up ratings/hype. But, I didn’t think anything else of it beyond that. Then I accidentally happened upon a vlog w/ 2 women talking about how Lexa was killed off and the large & powerful, negative fan response. They also mentioned The Trevor Project fundraising, too. I started poking around the media-sphere where I heard and read the phrases “queerbaiting,” “dead lesbian trope” and “bury your gays.” Rothenbergs’ actions started to have a context for me. I heard that he secured a 4th season for The 100.

    So, knowing what was coming, I bought season 3 on iTunes. I’ve now watched the first 6 episodes and episode 7 up to 31:30. Lexa has just asked Clarke if they can talk about something other than the 8th novitiate. Pause. Permanent pause. I don’t intend to watch any more; not of episode 7, nor any more of The 100, including season 4. Although I’ve never done this before, I’ll also make a point of never watching another show or movie that Rothenberg is a show runner of or is in any way involved in. I’ve personally blacklisted him. He’s too callously manipulative and cruel.

    I think that’s something I can personally do to help push ‘someday’ closer to now. Metaphorically speaking, I’ve been ready for that scene to move past 31:30 into them being happy together, at least in that moment. I’m ready for them to move onto the following day, and days, and weeks and years. I’m ready to watch lesbian relationships continue: flourishing and struggling, as long as they’re continuing. I’m ready for this TODAY.

    This was a hard, painful and unfair way to learn, but I’m a wiser watcher now. There is zero chance this trope was accidentally perpetrated: everyone involved in the creative and strategic decisions understood what they were doing: queerbaiting, manipulating, betraying. I”ll vet shows now. I’ll be more careful. It pisses me off that I need to be careful about fcuking tv shows, but so be it. I’m trying to push ‘someday’ closer to today.

    • EB

      July 22, 2016 at 4:26 pm

      Hi, Maggie, Thanks for your comments. I knew about the trope before, but I never became so aware of it as I did in this instance. I’ve become an accidental activist in the wake of it, and specifically in relation to this blogpost. It got more attention than anything I’ve ever written, more than 10x more attention than everything I’ve ever written put together. There’s a reason for that. It’s time we do something. Thanks for being a part of it. And thanks for reading. I appreciate each and every comment I’ve ever gotten on this post and the others that followed.

  84. Today’s fangirl Friday at Women and Words Andi referenced this blog. Having read it and the two posts about CC I have to say it’s absolutely brilliant. And to have someone actually list all the DLT’s here: I think is messed up. But anyway, I think your brilliant. Thanks for posting this.

  85. Wow….It’s 3 A.M where I’m from and I had to get out of bed and light a cigarette because your article just…I can’t even find the words to explain it…Wow… You brought all the feels back!
    Ok…this might be a long reply :))
    I’ve discovered the 100 a month or 2 ago, while searching for a tv series with LGBT+ representation. I did some research before watching, so I kind of knew what to expect. I knew Lexa and Clarke will be romantically involved and I knew Lexa was going to die. Still, I wanted to see it. I liked the show from the start and I binge watched just to get to the part that interested me. And when I did, it was more beautiful than I could ever imagine. I loved the slow pace, the anticipation, the slow and natural development of the relationship. Nothing was rushed and it felt so natural. To be honest, before I fell in love with Clexa, I fell hopelessly in love with Lexa. I have cared a lot for other fictional characters before, gay or straight, but with Lexa was a whole different thing. It surprised me how much this character got under my skin from the first scenes in the dungeon. ADC is just breathtaking. And I.m not just talking about the obvious fact that she is impossibly beautiful. Her charisma and her acting swept me off my feet. She understood perfectly how she has to portray Lexa. Every line she delivered, every stare, every emotion playing in her eyes or on her face, every micro gesture, the coldness mixed with understanding, the bravery and vulnerability, her whispered voice, everything was on the spot like I’ve rarely seen before.
    So being so lost in this character and so in love with Clexa, after the first episodes of season 3 I was in denial about her leaving the show. After the knife on Lexa’s throat scene, the fight with Roan, the “I.m not considering it, I.m doing it” scene, the heart stopping fealty scene and the subtle and silent way they were starting to back eachother and accept that they belong together, my mind was refusing to accept this was going to end. I didn.t know when Lexa was going to die, but I was already thinking that it can.t be. That maybe I didn.t do my research well before seeing the show and that maybe they changed something. I mean, nobody in their right mind could possibly believe that a character like Lexa will be just killed off…. And after that happened and a few weeks passed, after reading a lot of Twitter comments, I realized what bothered me the most. Yes, I was beyond sad that Clexa was over, that such a deep love was gone, that I could no longer enjoy it and I agreed with most of the comments about killing the gays and lack of representation. It angered me because it is true. Meaningful LGBT representation is painfully rare. I was angry that they could not make an effort to write her exit difderently. To leave it open for ADC to come back when the show ends, even if it would have been in the last episode, and reunite Clexa.
    But, the thing that bothered me the most, was that they’ve created a huge, phenomenal character just to throw it in the garbage. Killing her with a stray bullet??? Not even taking that bullet to save Clark??? How can you have such an important character an kill it so…plainly? I mean, did anybody from the show explain the meaning of Lexa.s death? Because I didn.t see any comment from them about that. While I am thankful to the person who came up with the idea of Lexa and did such an impeccable job in writing her, I cannot help thinking that he or she does not deserve to be Lexa’s creator or owner or whatever. I was stunned and could not fathom the fact that they could not understand what created. This character had so much potential, embodied so much and they wasted it. I don.t know what others think, but to me Lexa is one of those epic characters who should and I am sure will remain in tv series history as one of the best ever! I just cannot find a single flaw with her. Even when she was harsh or when she left Clarke at mount weather, she did it looking at the bigger picture, ignoring her heart to save her nation. And I especially loved the combination of ruthlessness and vulnerability in Lexa. never seen it before in another character, at least not that superbly written and acted. And her unspoken but accepted realization that she could not rule only with her head anymore. That Clarke had irrevocably became part of her. You could see it in her eyes, in her body language, in the way she told Titus twice that Clarke can speak for herself, in the almost apologetic way she said “how else would you have me enforce a blockade”. So that.s what baffled me the most. HOW do you create a Lexa and then throw it away? I still can.t accept it. And it.s a question that will remain unanswered forever :))

    Also, about all the comments I saw regarding the LGBT issue. I agree with most of them and I agree with what you said in your article. It.s only one thing that I have a different view about. I don.t think that Titus wanted to kill Clarke because they were lesbians, like read in some tweets. I think that Titus would have reacted the same if it would have been a man instead of Clarke. Titus said “to be commander is to be alone.” Alone period. In his view and according to his teachings, the commander had to rule only with her had. Being in a relationship with anyone, having feelings, made that impossible. I didn.t feel Titus was being an ass because Lexa was in love with a woman, but because she had feelings for another person and that made her vulnerable and endangered her.
    I was amazed to see everything that Lexa.s death created on social media and I was sorry I wasn’t a part of it because I discovered the show later. However, I really hope that all the hate towards the creators and writers and all the hype surrounding the issue won.t be a double edge sword. And by that I mean that it won.t scare other producers and writers when it comes to adding LGBT characters on the shows. Make them afraid even to have them in their shows so they won.t screw up in some way and have the same reactions like the 100. Instead, I hope it will open their eyes and make them level the field when it comes to LGBT vs straight characters. It.s necessary.

    Thank you for such a brilliant article and sorry for this long reply 😁

    • EB

      February 26, 2018 at 1:32 pm

      Hi Iris,
      I’m sorry it took me so long to get to this comment. I’ve been away from my blog for a while. Thanks for the kind words about my article here. I’m not saying that Titus’s motivation to kill Clarke was *because* they were a f/f pairing, but regardless of what his motives may or may not have been, the fact is that they were an f/f pair. He wanted to kill Clarke because she was with Lexa, he was Lexa’s would-be father figure, and regardless of the context surrounding it, he ended up killing Lexa because of her relationship with Clarke. Because it is a f/f relationship, we have to consider the impact on LGBTQ audiences. Angry, violent parents are a reality for many LGBTQ kids who may be abused or kicked out of their homes when parents find out about their relationships. So this portrayal was an angry parental figure lashing out at their lesbian “child” even if, in the context of the show, he could’ve had the same reaction against a man. The fact is, he didn’t. And shows don’t appear in a vacuum. So we do have to consider the larger cultural context (not just the “text” of the episode) in a case like this.

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